Auntie Dote is HBI's answer to the usual, treacly, self-help advice columnists.

Disclaimer: This isn't an advice website. Yet from time to time we receive email asking for the Heartlessly Bitchy point of view. If you need serious medication, therapy or professional help, seek elsewhere. However, if you still insist on soliciting OUR advice, just remember...

YOU ASKED FOR IT.

All submissions become the property of HBI and by sending email to Auntie Dote you thereby give your permission for letters and responses (sans identifying information) to be published on the website. No emails will be answered individually.

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Ask Auntie Dote
The Auntie Dote for what ails you...

 

 

From: "Hans"
Subject: Heartless bitches v. possers

Yo,

 

I'm a guy and I love heartless bitches. Talking with a woman that that knows who she is first is my biggest turn on. But there are ALOT of women out there that claim they are the real thing. Two weeks later I find out the only thing they listen to are listening to is Justin Timberlake and John Mayer? wtf! This is a whole category of camouflaged cunts that need to be exposed.

 

Please, how can I tell the lipstick heartless bitches from the rest? What early signs can I expect and how can I tell them they are posers and making real women look bad?

 

Hans in Oregon

 

Hans,

...we want to pump you up. With knowledge.

So much hostility. You say you LOVE heartless bitches, but my instinct is stay miles away from you because you smell misogynistic. They don't make deodorant for that. It's kind of a pheromone thing.

We fail to see how someone's musical taste, however banal, makes them "camouflaged cunts that need to be exposed." Really, seriously, do some screening before you sleep with these women. Ask a question or two. There are websites that do a better job of screening for compatibility than you have.

We don't understand the term "lipstick bitches" (is that supposed to be derogatory?), nor how anything you've said makes someone a "poser." I mean what can I say, the common factor is they've agreed to sleep with you. I dispute that that makes all women look bad. Out here in Heartless Bitchland, we're all individuals. It's YOU who sees women as real or fake, but in any case, representative of some larger ideal.

Basically, if you thought you might make inroads with us by calling other women "cunts," you wrote to the wrong website. Maybe you should try treating ALL PEOPLE with greater respect, and you won't be so irrationally disappointed when they don't meet your two-week performance evaluation goals.

-A.D.


Copyright© "Auntie Dote" & Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 2008
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