Date: Sun Apr 2, 2006
Subject:This site has a lot of insight. I try to follow it as closely as possible!
response to the Nice Guys articles, we felt this one needed the "Auntie
"Hey"? Whatever happened to "Dear Heartless
Bitches" or "Hello" or "To Whom it may concern"?
I'm a guy who's
struggled with falling into the "nice guy" niche on many occasions in
my life. Considering that we are
creatures of habits, it's been very hard for me to leave this way of life
behind. That's why I go back to your site quite often, and review the most
important article on the internet, the "nice-guy-dilemma" article.
important article on the internet"?
WHY is this blurb not posted in the Nice Guys Bleah! section? :-)
Most of my friends who I
direct to the site deny that they've ever had the problems,
Come on. A guy, DENY
that he's ever had a problem? *wink, nudge*
when 10 minutes before they
were complaining about the same exact shit. Hah, I directed them to the
sounds like a rarely
observed male bonding ritual!
I probably visit this
once every 3 months and just doublecheck that I'm not contradicting myself,
Oh my god...we are
mecca for Nice Guys. They pray thrice weekly in the direction of HBI...
especially since every
once and awhile a girl runs across, who I usually fall head over heels for.
I don't see how girls
could possibly equal trouble. ;) This is just part of life, son. Take your
sugar lumps, and move on.
I'm learning to not
pursue these girls, at least not in the way that makes me look like a
ok...maybe what we need
is a "how to" antidote for the Nice Guys. A how TO ask an HB out...oh
but wait, that would preclude independent thought and initiative.
desperate for anyone to
hold me and console me, because I don't have a spine to stand up for myself.
I also wanted to thank
you for writing something so clear that anyone could understand it!
I must admit, I quite
often mistake women's signals, or do not pick up on them at all,
You will have to make a
conscious effort to work on social skills. Some people are socially autistic.
It is not an excuse. Use your empathy and communication skills to learn what
other people mean, want, and feel.
Then again, maybe you
really DO know what they want but you just IGNORE it. We get it all the time.
It's a form of manipulation. And the heartless will shut you down every time.
If that doesn't learn you...well, I think you can be smarter than you are
and seeing this from
your perspective adds new insight in my own romantic pursuits.
Keep in mind that we
aren't here to help you get lovin'!
I am 19, and relatively new to the
"adult" dating field.
Whew. You're still
young. God, I would be really worried if this was coming from a 26-year-old.
It's very interesting to
me, and taking into account your words of wisdom
have done me a lot of good. While I do not have a girlfriend presently, I have
many possibilities open.
I want to chuckle at
that. Having "many possibilities open" is part of the male
self-understanding generally, isn't it? What is amazing is how much the machos
and the nice guys have in common, when it comes to basic philosophies about the
I don't feel like
pursuing them, because I'm at the point where I'd rather be an individual.
That's not a bad
plan. But...I get an egocentric whiff here. My shorthand for the nice guy is:
egocentrism masked as altruism.
I must say that your
site has empowered me to be more of an individual than any site before!
Do sites really do
There's one favor I'd
like to ask of you:
Oh, a FAVOR. I hate the
Do you know of any way
that I wouldn't just melt over these girls?
How about a colorful
Any techniques that I
Personality is not a
technique. Do something you are interested in, and good things will come to
you. That's really all I can say.
I'm sure you know of
some way that I wouldn't sacrifice myself because of cupids
"disdainful and ruthless" arrows, so that she can see me, not some
There has to be a
"you" there. Most people construct facades because of some perceived
problem with the "you" underneath. Well...IS there a problem? Yes, or
no? I think you are thinking way too much about YOU. When you meet someone who
is as much fun to talk about, you will be over your crisis.
It's something that I've
been working on considerably, but sometimes it illudes me completely.
You can't work on being
a great guy in isolation. And it's "eludes" (not a flame, just a note
to make you more attractive to word-loving females). If you can love being
corrected by a female, that's a good start. Now, you might try cooking. Develop
SKILLS that make you actually attractive to actually existing females, and stop
dreaming of a utopia that will never arrive!
Keep up the great work!
What is with the pep
talk? Is this what *you* want to hear? I think so...you want a pat on the back.
You want us to tell you that you are...a Nice Guy, perhaps? And when you come
back to site and read us saying, "No, No, No!" over and over again,
you take this as encouragement? Keep reading just a little further...
Clayton, are you sure
you are paying attention? Why don't you let yourself be seduced? Let a girl
show interest in YOU. That doesn't seem to be a feature whatsoever of the Nice
Guy Discourse. There is a lot of long-suffering complaint in the nice guy tone,
as in, why don't these girls like me...I'm sure some girl likes you. Maybe you
need to open your mind. If you find yourself being a jerk when the tide of
attraction is turned, then you are just a jerk. So working on not being a
"nice guy" isn't going to help you at all. Think of this as a
And taking a cooking
class couldn't hurt. Or learning Persian, or capoeira dancing, or classical
guitar. Go into any kind of skill that is a completely new area for you.
Something that you can't immediately "use" to "impress" a
female. Something that will make you confront your shortcomings and develop as
a person. That is the sexiest thing you can do for yourself, and you really
have everything to gain. It just may help you rearrange your sights on yourself
in a healthier way. Look at where you are you going, not where you've been.
p.s. - my favorite line
is "[You THINK you are hiding your flaws, but in reality you are so
transparent it's a wonder you can see yourself in the mirror when you shave in
I think you need to
STOP looking in the mirror. Self-reflection and overanalysis is the Nice Guys'
cocaine. Just say no. And don't forget to get 9 hours of sleep a day, at 19
your brain (and social maturity) are still developing.