Auntie Dote is HBI's answer to the usual, treacly, self-help advice columnists.

Disclaimer: This isn't an advice website. Yet from time to time we receive email asking for the Heartlessly Bitchy point of view. If you need serious medication, therapy or professional help, seek elsewhere. However, if you still insist on soliciting OUR advice, just remember...

YOU ASKED FOR IT.

All submissions become the property of HBI and by sending email to Auntie Dote you thereby give your permission for letters and responses (sans identifying information) to be published on the website. No emails will be answered individually.

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Ask Auntie Dote
The Auntie Dote for what ails you...

Date: Thu, 26 Mar 2009
From: gf
Subject: So ...

can you offer any advice to a nice guy who agrees with what you write since I do it daily.

Obviously your description of "real" men includes people like GW Bush and Bernie Madoff btw.

Do you recommend nice guys not bother women or is there some type of woman we should seek out?

Nice guy who is what he is

Ok "gf", your problem is evident starting with the wishy-washy subject line. There's a complete lack of directness and direction.

And I wonder, what EXACTLY DO you do daily? Never mind answering that one. It was rhetorical.

Even your writing style is one of someone who still sees himself as a victim, or at least better than the people YOU perceive to be "real men". Why, when you look at the description of assertive, self-confident men, do you only see assholes who fit that description? It's like you are looking for vindication for your choice to be a doormat. Why is it that so many Nice Guys are incapable of seeing ALL colours of the visible spectrum?

You know, this whole "give me advice" strain can be very passive aggressive. As in: "So, you don't like my behavior? Really? So, why don't you tell me what I SHOULD be doing, since YOU are so smart..." Um, how about like, take responsibility for your own daily motion, you stupid fucking human automaton you? Or do you just like to take marching orders from a girl?

And let's face it, you aren't really that interested in change or taking responsibility for your behavior (your closing line highlights that), so why ask for advice?

I just have to say, quit laying your unmoored sense of direction at my doorstep. I'm not your mama.

(And likely that's what SHE said (i.e. every other woman he's hit on))

-A.D.


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