Date: Mon, 3 Mar 2008
[Dear Auntie Dote...]
I have found your website, an eye opener.
It has made me realise that my ex partner is a control freak.
What was even more interesting, is that I realised myself that I am
a control freak also, or at least the website made me re-think my
own needs and values.
My ex partner is 6 months pregnant with our first child, she had
been in total control in the relationship, and my gut feeling was
telling me that there was something wrong. I didn't know what it
was, or rather, I couldn't put my finger on it.
She had emotionally abused me, very much the same way as my father
used to abuse me... To some degree I find it amazing that the list
of things I hated about him and things I hated about her was almost
However to my amazement, I realised that although there is a child
involved, what she had done to me was the same thing that I had
done in my previous relationship.
At the start of this relationship, I told myself, this one will be
different. I will not be in control, I will try to have a balanced
However, amazingly that was not the case... I was controlled, and I
really dislike myself for letting myself be controlled.
In the end I got a bit of my own medicine from my previous
relationship, and it made me wake up to what is going on.
So where to from here ?
I will be a father in 3 months, and my ex partner holds all the
cards, and is in 'control'.
It is quite a situation I have got myself into, and realised that I
was manipulated, controlled and all my buttons were pushed.
So with that in mind, now that I have had both ends of the stick..
One - being in control, Two - being controlled, I conciously have
to make a choice to be somewhere in between in my next relationship.
My only fear is that, as it goes, those who are controlled, end up
controlling themselves and be manipulative.
I cannot forget this painful lesson in life, where the woman I
loved, said and did all those things to make it all sound like
everything was my fault. I actually believed her.
I guess in a way, my own weaknesses were exposed, and as these were
exposed, these were fueled by my own lack of control of my
Its sad that as I write this e-mail, I think to myself, in a way I
am a 'control freak' of sorts, by sending this RANT through,
complaining and whining.
Bah, a painful lesson in life, but perhaps it's a wake up call.
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