Auntie Dote is HBI's answer to the usual, treacly, self-help advice columnists.

Disclaimer: This isn't an advice website. Yet from time to time we receive email asking for the Heartlessly Bitchy point of view. If you need serious medication, therapy or professional help, seek elsewhere. However, if you still insist on soliciting OUR advice, just remember...

YOU ASKED FOR IT.

All submissions become the property of HBI and by sending email to Auntie Dote you thereby give your permission for letters and responses (sans identifying information) to be published on the website. No emails will be answered individually.

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Ask Auntie Dote
The Auntie Dote for what ails you...

Nov 4, 2007

Dear AuntieDote,

My name is Alex. There is one element of your website that I disagree with, if in fact, I am correct in my interpretation. That is namely, that I'm getting the vibe that the general consensus among the members of HBI is that an emotionally healthy person--male or female--is someone who NEVER gets lonely, even if they go years and years without a partner, and that if they do enter a relationship, it's strictly and solely because they find the person attractive and not because they're itching for some loving and companionship, courtesy of having gone a long time without it. We all need love and support, right? Isn't it part of being human? Is there really anything pathetic or shameful in someone looking for positive reinforcement--for the good things they may already have going on in their lives--in the form of a partner? Or should we only find partners just to "have fun" and not to fulfill a need(namely, the need to be loved) that is intrinsic in all humans, male, female, heterosexual and homosexual?

Dear Alex,

We're HEARTLESS BITCHES, not shallow, mercenary loners. Sure our tensile strength is greater than tempered steel on most days, but that doesn't mean we don't lead full lives pursuing all the usual pursuits.

So no, your interpretation is incorrect on this point. A Bitch loves company. In fact, Bitches are some of the most gregarious and loyal people we know.

The issue isn't really if you're married or single or living in a commune in British Columbia. The point is that we CHOOSE whom we associate with. We don't suffer fools lightly, but that doesn't mean we don't appreciate a good joke. (Come to think of it, those two are often one and the same thing.) And a good joke is meant for sharing.

Yes to that last part, engaging in REAL intimacy with like-minded human beings is a near universal need (except for rare personalities and sociopaths, I guess) and is not for wusses. It's a job for courageous and honest men and women of all orientations. Which is what we hope we are.

So yes, Alex, Heartless Bitches not only wear the pants. We put them on one leg at a time, just like anybody else.

--A.D.


Copyright© "Auntie Dote" & Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 2007
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