Despite our best efforts to dissuade you, many of you have still decided to write to us with your problems, complaints and crises of the moment. We don't have a trained therapist on staff, and this isn't "Dear F*ckin' Abbey", but we DO have Bonnie, who has graciously volunteered her time and heartless perspectives in order to minister to (or macerate) the misguided, with "Dear Fuckin' Bon..."

December 2, 2001

Guest Entry
Dear No Fuckin' Queen,

What a wonderful site you have....quite creative! I am in total agreement with you regarding your description of men. I am a woman in a man's body myself! Thank God I am a Lesbian!!! I wouldn't have it any other way.

Oh my God. The ultimate in Nice-Guy-it is. He gets to be the sensitive soul trapped in the wrong body, the uber-feminist with a side of Lesbian Chic, ("I love women so much that I am one! Well, not really, but I sure like to fuck them! Kewl, huh?") and he gets to screw other lesbians on top of it all. Bet that last one is posing a bit of a problem.

I do have one discrepancy; when a reader stated that all men think about is Pussy I must point out that my Lesbian friends feel the same way about women.

But *you* would never think that, would you? Because you're a Sensitive Guy-Lesbian™, right?

And I bet all of his so called lesbian friends are guys, also women horribly trapped in men's bodies. I bet they can hardly bring themselves to touch their terrible, awful, unattractive penises when they're whacking off to lesbian porn.

This is a really interesting manifestation of homophobia. Guys who are so straight, who so want nothing to do with other men sexually, that they're lesbians. Unfortunately, it backfires on him. If he were really a woman trapped in a man's body, wouldn't he also be attracted to other men who are women in men's bodies? The pathos in this logical pretzel is just too good.

Although, we do feel the need for commitment and sentiment.

Ha. "We." He used the word "we." Somehow I don't think he really has any actual lesbian friends. He'd be dead by now from all of the well-deserved smacks upside the head. It would explain the severe brain damage, anyway. I think he hangs around in lesbian bars trying to convince his targets that, no, he really is a lesbian, he just ended up with a penis because of bad luck.

I dare him to get a sex change.

I am so proud to be a lesbian...

ROTFLMAO.

even if I am in a man's body I still hold true to the beliefs held by most lesbians.

As if there were a lesbian bible, a Church of the Divine Lesbian. It'd make Communion interesting, anyway. "Take this, all of you, and eat it…"

The only thing he has in common with lesbians is the fact that he likes having sex with women. Which is really the only thing lesbians have in common with each other, isn't it?

Why are homosexuals all grouped together by idiots like him as if they had an entirely separate system of beliefs? It's proof that he really knows nothing about homosexuality. Between the Religious Right and the Politically Correct Left, we've been marginalized so much that we're not even seen as actual people anymore. We're these scary, dangerous, yet highly interesting and super trendy freaks of nature.

Gay men like having sex with other gay men. Lesbians like having sex with other lesbians. Period. Any other beliefs or attributes vary on an individual basis. If you have a penis, and you like vagina, even if you like vagina sooooo much that you wish you were a lesbian so you could have two to play with, you are now, then, and forever more a straight man. Strike three, moron. Yer outta here.

Thanks for this wonderful site which allows me to share my feelings about those asinine men

This fuckwit is the Prince of Irony.

....they can all go striaght to hell and leave us lesbians to ourselves!!!

Sincerly,
Twit-zer

This whole first person plural thing is creeping me out. I take comfort in the fact that no real self-respecting lesbians have anything to do with this moron. Leaving him and his group of Sensitive Guy-Lesbians™ to their own, uh… devices.

So to speak.
No Queen