Despite our best efforts to dissuade you, many of you have still decided to write to us with your problems, complaints and crises of the moment. We don't have a trained therapist on staff, and this isn't "Dear F*ckin' Abbey", but we DO have Bonnie, who has graciously volunteered her time and heartless perspectives in order to minister to (or macerate) the misguided, with "Dear Fuckin' Bon..."

May 26, 2002

(Interesting that this wanker called this a "psychotic rant." It makes me want to ask him "Don't you *believe* what you've written? What's psychotic about it? You must know that you sound like a whackmobile!")

Dear Fuckin' Bon:

alright, before I say more I'll just admit that my attractiveness to women is zip, zero, nada, null and zilch. as far as they're concerned my penis is untouchable.

what's the deal? I'm not a loser in every way. I've got a decent face and a muscular build, not in incredible shape but not fat and generally muscular. On the other hand I am bald and a mere 5'9", so that's a big problem for many women. I don't dress fantastic but I don't dress that bad - generally clean and new clothes. As far as I can tell I am smart. I am verbal. I am funny and articulate. I can say interesting things about books and music and movies and math. I am successful in my career. I can hold a conversation and can write.

Maybe if you weren't mostly focussed on women touching your penis, they would find the rest of you less repugnant. I also wonder how funny and articulate you can possibly seem if that's your entire goal of interacting with a woman.

But I am a nice guy. A wimp. A doormat. I stutter. I look down. I let people walk on me. It's just the truth and I'm not gonna pretend otherwise. This is a fatal flaw. The bitches ain't gonna forgive me for that.

(Boy am I glad that our standards for "Bitch" are higher than his.) What were you thinking when you write to a site called Heartless Bitches to tell us you're a stuttering wimpy doormat? What do you want US to do about that? And clearly you're content to be that, or you'd do something about it besides blame women for not being turned on by it. Sheesh.

So what to do? Pretend to be a prick? Uh, then I take crap for being a womanizer type, and I really don't have the technique to pull off that act, and anyway I am who I am. The standard advice on how to pick up girls is to be yourself. But my particular self is not fuckable. So I can either blow it by being myself or blow it by not being myself.

This is interesting. Are you saying that you have on occasion "pretended" to be a prick, and this technique worked for you but you were subsequently called a womanizer? Oh, no, you say you didn't have that technique. (or maybe, just maybe, being a prick doesn't work EITHER.)

I haven't had sex in a long time, and it's not for lack of trying. I do work on this problem to the best of my ability. I improved my clothes. I learned how to hold a conversation with a woman (this is a learnable skill!). I force myself to ask women out, to approach them and make the first move. That's hard as hell but it's unavoidable.

Having a conversation is a learnable skill. Deciding to have a conversation with a PERSON rather than a potential lay is apparently beyond your capability. Are you getting the faintest glimmer of a clue yet? Let me be even more clear. You aren't going to have "luck" with the sex until you start treating women as actual persons rather than just people who "give it up" or "won't touch you." If all women are is potential sex on a stick, you're going to be wanking by yourself forever. I think you're just too lazy and pathetic to do anything about it. It's easier to blame the women who justifiably avoid you like the plague.

I don't need to point out the unfairness of all this to other beta males. The women just have to sit in a public place to be approached and spread their legs to get laid. They can be stupid and psychotic, and pretty often are, and it doesn't make them unfuckable. They can even be ugly and get laid. A hole's a hole I guess.

I guess to YOU that's so.

How come women can be ugly and get laid? Because most women cluster around the same few men. The impact of the double standard - that men who fuck around a lot are studs while comparable women are sluts - is that women tend to fuck men who are good at picking up women. Right? There's a loose parity in numbers between men and women. There are a limited number of couplings to be had between men and women. Women tend to have fewer sexual partners, and since they strongly prefer the most alpha males (dropping euphemisms, alpha males are the ones who are good at picking up women) the majority of available sex with females is going to a few men. All the other men have to compete for is those few women that no alpha males will fuck. In other words women anywhere near the center of the bell curve (the majority) are fucking a few men way up the bell curve (the minority) while men anywhere the center of the bell curve are competing for a few women down near the bottom of the bell curve. This relationship applies at every point in the bell curve, so that men down near the bottom of the bell curve don't have assortative equals - we just fall off the edge of the equation. We can't trade down because our female equals have traded up way past us, and their inferiors have traded up not that far past us, and their somewhat inferiors have traded up just past us. Fuckable men at every point in the bell curve are absorbing more than their share of women. The dropoff point for unfuckable men is much higher than the dropoff point for unfuckable women.

You've given your failures a lot of thought and analysis. Too bad you're looking greedily and resentfully at everything and everyone except your own attitude and behavior. By the way, "fuckable" men do not "absorb" women. Women are just looking for and at qualities other than simply your level of desperation.

What is it that we're going without? Sex? Love? Sex matters, sure. Jesus, I am incredibly horny and have no hope of doing anything about it. But the part that I really can't stand living without is. not love exactly. affection, company, being touched and touching. I have vivid fantasies of emotionally charged physical contact, kissing even, if I can get the image detailed and solid enough.

And of course it's all about YOU. The woman wouldn't matter in this scenario at all except to serve and service your desires and needs. But that's not why you're having a problem, right? Nooooooooooooooooo!

That stuff really matters. A love life relaxes you, gives you personal support, lets you recharge, gives you the feeling that life is not completely meaningless. No love life makes you hard, tense, bitter. It does it to me and I can see that it does it to my similarly unfuckable friends. Statistically we live shorter lives and make less money. We drink.

We don't care. You don't give us any reason to. You're angry and objectifying and all you care about is YOU and your pathetic lack of sex. Have another one, just stay off the road.

What do us unfuckables do for sex? Most use the sex industry fairly heavily - porn, strip joints and prostitutes. I myself masturbate constantly. It's not so bad. I'm used to this life and am willing to give myself a really dedicated high quality jerkoff session from time to time. If you're enough of a loser that's as good as sex can get. There are no other options.

I think you need a better hobby. Or three. But if you're really content with it (you don't sound it but you don't sound as though you have any intention of taking anything besides your dick into account, let alone DOING something about it) then shoot for the stars. (*ick*)

It doesn't help that women are cruel. They don't have empathy for us pityfuck types. They think we should just change. Just be someone else. They think that we don't have a right to be as complex as they are. They can't help their absofuckinglute hate of losers. They can't help their stone cold hearts. They can't help enjoying the ego boost of having a loser guy to feel superior to.

One more time, why SHOULD we? And you don't come off as complex at all. You come off as neanderthal as they get, only concerned about your DICK. We don't hate OR lord over losers (except the ones who write drooling pathetic letters to us and whine about our stone cold hearts), we don't NOTICE them. They don't give us a REASON to. (This is hopeless, isn't it? Like endlessly repeating the same directive to a little one about how they can't go on the grown up rollercoaster.)

I could go on but there's no point. This is a rant, not an essay. My message to my brother losers: fuck the bitches over any chance you get. My message to the bitches: fuck yourselves. Anything bad that ever happened to you you deserved. Fuck yourselves, fuck yourselves, fuck yourselves.

AFD

This last paragraph really loses something in the context of a long whiny letter detailing how the losers aren't getting fucked, doesn't it?
bon