Despite our best efforts to dissuade you, many of you have still decided to write to us with your problems, complaints and crises of the moment. We don't have a trained therapist on staff, and this isn't "Dear F*ckin' Abbey", but we DO have Bonnie, who has graciously volunteered her time and heartless perspectives in order to minister to (or macerate) the misguided, with "Dear Fuckin' Bon..."

November 11, 2001

Dear Fuckin' Bon:

I am writing to say, firstly, that I am extremely happy that this site exists. Secondly, I wanted some advice on how to go about dealing with my asshole of a boss whilst I'm looking for another gig. He makes it known around the office how much of an egotistical, male chauvinist pig he is--ad nauseum! He rants about women so much, he turns off other MALE employees as much as he does the females. He also seeks to undermine females personally as well as professionally at any given opportunity. He complains about his wife not coming directly home after work (hell, she probably doesn't like him!) and makes his personal business public. I, personally, do not give a damn about him or his issues concerning women in general, or his wife in particular. I try to remain purely professional and refrain from going around the office spewing my views on male chauvinist pigs and other feminist rhetoric--basically, no one give a damn! I don't like to say that I hate anyone, but my boss is slowly turning his personal issues into everyone else's when he starts conversations that are gender -biased. Being that I am feminist, I've tried not to take on his shit, but it's really getting hard.

Signed,
Looking-for-another-job.

You sure have my sympathy. Have you checked your area's legal definition of harassment? Have you spoken with your coworkers about it? As a group you would be much more powerful in effecting change any way you choose to do it. How about a group of you going to HIS supervisors? Many businesses have a human resources department that handles complaints of this nature in confidence. If they cannot help you directly, they may be able to point you in the right direction.

Additionally, any professional undermining of females should be documented (I know how nebulous these things *can* seem, but if you are all listening to negativity about women day in and day out, that's documentable).

I hope that by this time you have found another job. It's true that it's difficult and unrewarding at times trying to take legal actions against certain kinds of prejudice or harassment, but it seems to me that in many ways it's worse biting your tongue and feeling trapped and being beaten down by such negative attitudes. At the very least, I do suggest you try to talk it out with perhaps one or two coworkers, preferably ones who you think are professional (and not just gossipy) and may have a stake in changing the workplace attitude as well.

Good luck, let me know how it works out,
bon