Despite our best efforts to dissuade you, many of you have still decided to write to us with your problems, complaints and crises of the moment. We don't have a trained therapist on staff, and this isn't "Dear F*ckin' Abbey", but we DO have Bonnie, who has graciously volunteered her time and heartless perspectives in order to minister to (or macerate) the misguided, with "Dear Fuckin' Bon..."

April 3, 2003

Dear Bon,

After reading many of the Manipulator Files articles on your site, I began to think about the ways that some women manipulate men. The first thing that popped into my head was the way in which many women in relationships barter services and goods in exchange for sex. While movies and television and the like make light of such comments by women as, "You are buying me that gift or no sex for you!", I find such deals highly disturbing, irksome, and offensive.

Do you think severing a sexual relationship completely would be overreacting if a woman made such a comment? Part of me says of course it would, but the other part of me thinks that if sex is such a chore for her that she now has to make profits for her time in the sack, then both of us would be better served by parting our seperate ways and finding more compatible sex partners.

Well, Duh! Where did you find this woman? Although at least that's overtly prostituting rather than playing "nice girl" until she thinks you're hooked before "giving it up". Why would you think this was ok, any more than the men who expect a sexual payoff if they take a woman on a date? Bartering is bartering, no matter what gender is doing it, and most people would rather have a relationship (if that's what you're talking about) than do business trading with another person.

As to whether I think it would be an overreaction to sever the relationship, I would say it's an individual decision for the person being bribed/offered the barter. If both parties agree to the trade, then they should both be happy. You sound disgusted, so it seems only reasonable that you would break it off. On the other hand, you did say severing the *sexual* relationship, and that makes me question how much of a "relationship" you really have with this woman, as well as whether you both are even in it for the same thing. In any case, if you really want even a "compatible sex partner", then it seems to me you're not getting what you want if you have to pay for it on any level. Move on.

bon