February 3, 2002
Dear Fuckin' Bon,
You really know your shit.I was expecting this website to be full of the kind of venom of women who hate women, who have to be a "bitch" to feel powerful. I see you are more in support of self confidence, which translates in male understanding, "bitchiness". Unfortunately, I am not a Bitch myself. I take so much shit off the men in my life and women as well. I've been wondering if this is simply my personality, or is it something I can tackle? I liked when you said that growth isn't an overnight surprise (or something like that!) rather it is a painful process. Alas, it is hard to follow the path that is not the least resistance. Here's my question.
My husband is a Navy SEAL and let me tell you he is proud to be an "Alpha" male. His constant demands on me to meet his standards of beauty are daunting, especially because we have been married about 7 years and have two kids. You know, I look more like a mom now and not the Britney Spears he feels he is entitled to (not long ago he observed my feet in their high heeled espadrilles and noted that I needed to take a cheesegrater to my heels, they were disgusting...when he felt my feet on heis skin when we were having sex they felt like a man's they were so hard...my feet looked like an old woman's feet...)So, if he is so fucking detail oriented as to the physical perfection of my FEET that has fled with my youth, and I'm only 31, well I know there is a myriad of complaints he could register against my body. It's depressing, because I already do that to myself.
My husband is gone all the time and the way he talks to me in regards to my physical imperfections, including my weight (I am 5 foot 5 and weigh 145 pounds)I am quite sure he is engaging in some extracarricular activity. This is killing my ego. I have no solid proof but he is so stereotypical of the type of man to do this. He loves cyber porn too.
Well here's the question. There is a very self-effacing sherrif who does my evictions for me (I manage an apartment complex). He's standing in for the deputy we normally have, who is a young, handsome guy. When he (the self-effacing sherrif) showed up instead of "Tom", I asked him where Tom was and his answer was so cute, he said with mock-sadness, that all the ladies had been asking him where the pretty boy was. He's just an average looking guy, but his personality is very appealing to me. My husband is very handsome.
When I called to schedule my evictions this month, I got my deputy I have a crush on. And do you know he remembered me? I asked him how he was doing and he said, well, if you really want to know, I feel old, fat, and I've got a lot of work to do! I had to laugh because I totally relate.
I need to figure out a way to go to lunch with this guy. In the event that I do, what do you think of my situation? I am not looking for another husband but rather a male friend I can screw while he's gone. That's assuming I have any luck with my making a pass at him. I think he's flirting but maybe he's just friendly. Remember, my husband I am quite sure is having one night stands if not a real affair. One month I reviewed his credit card bill and was dismayed to find a 300.00 charge for an escort service. His explanation? A batchelor party. I think someone got fucked for 300.00.
Well it's my turn.
What do you think?