(Our Favorite Quotes from the QOTW)
My mantra for the month: The herd needs culling...
If I ever get around to boyfriend number two, he better have a busy life full of his own hobbies and goals, because I will not be someone's reason to exhale. I have better things to do then entertain a full grown man when I'm not getting paid for it. "
-- HBI Member, Gabriela
"Guys are obsessed with the anus. Do you think it's vagina envy?"
"Men have called me a man-hater, a feminazi, frigid, a bitch... but in my mind it always translates as "You don't need me to validate your existence, and that scares me." "
-- HBI member, KIM
"If you ever need an outfit to match that stick up your ass, give me a call."
-- Lenore Bernard, Fashion Consultant (From the HBO Series, Hung)
"...if you're not bleeding, vomiting, or on fire, chill out and stop crying."
-- Heartless Bitch Member, Stephanie
"Treating the whole world as if it works for you doesn't suggest you're special, it means you're an ass. "
-- Raina Kelley at Newsweek
"...this is exactly how Nice Guys operate, treating all encounters with
women as a form of speed dating and then getting annoyed when it’s
revealed that the woman getting coffee was, in fact, actually getting
coffee rather than cruisin’ for an emotionally co-dependent shitstorm."
-- Richie at criticism.wordpress.com
"Another trip to Home Depot and Canadian Tire. I always get such a kick
from the look on guys faces when you are in the tool section or near the
fishing supplies. Well nothing beats the automotive section - they
look at you like, "what are you doing here?" like you have invaded the
"There's a reason it's called 'girls gone wild' and not 'women gone wild'. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men
and drown their kids in a tub."
-- Comedian, Louis C.K.
"The only thing I HAVE to do in this life is die. Everything else is a choice with consequences - including breathing."
-- HBI Member, Genie
"I once crocheted a pair of fuzzy purple balls and sent them to my
friend's ex for Christmas; judging by his whiny complaints and incessant
text-messaged Emo song lyrics sent after the fact, he was having trouble
finding his own."
-- HBI Member, Kristin
"Yes, I'm pissed off and most people irritate me. But if people weren't so ignorant, self-absorbed, and down right stupid, I wouldn't be so Bitchy all the time."
-- HBI Member, Devon
"He's rude, controlling, abusive, misogynistic, disparaging and dismissive.... In all seriousness though, what a hideous lust object to mythologize. It'll be teaching all sorts of young girls that it's ROMANTIC to accept any sort of appalling treatment some brooding loser who treats you like dirt."
-- The Morrigan, (describing the romantic lead in "Twilight")
"...it's about writing a coherent application, not SAYING you're not beating around the bush when you are, in fact, grooming your own ornamental hedge."
"Since when has being cheap counted as "empowerment"?...Hey, I'm all for getting in touch with the "inner goddess" by pole dancing you're way to "new you", but you can't get lobster thermidore out of a can of tuna. Get a life."
-- -Fabulana, reviewing and rejecting a membership application
-- -HBI Member, Lola
"If a bunch of guys are calling me a Bitch, I know I must be hitting a nerve, if they start calling me a Heartless Bitch, I know I've got them running scared, but the best part is when they call me a Cold, Heartless Bitch (my brother's personal favorite), because they know I am someone they will never be able to subjugate."
-- -HBI Member, Dana
"In conclusion, I invite the media to all grow a pair. And if you can’t, I will lend you mine."
-- Amy Poehler as Hilary Clinton on Saturday Night Live
"Seriously, just how psychologically crippled do you have to be before shopping for shoes, the socks your husband left in the floor, coloring your hair, and what your neighbors think of you are the biggest things in your whole fucking world?"
-- HBI Member Hazel
"Being a Heartless Bitch isn't about stepping on other people, or reality TV-style sabotage antics. Its about working hard for what you want, and knowing when to stand up for what you deserve. Its not about demoralizing others; its about self-empowerment. Its not about being arrogant; its about displaying your confidence and intellect as a badge of pride. Its not asserting any inherent superiority or self-entitlement, but recognizing your own self-worth and value."
-- Kat D.
"I'll leave a sniveling girly-girl cowering with a glare, but a man? I've
offered on several occasions to hold a guy's jockstrap while he tries to
figure out where to stick the tampon I've just handed him. "
-- HBI Member Chris
"No, that dress doesn't make you seem fat...but your dependence on others' opinions definitely makes you seem shallow."
-- HBI Member Tamia
"The idea that one person could be all things to another person, satisfy every need or even more than one, is sentimental and mawkish."
-- Zack (from the TV show "Bones")
"You better put a condom on - if you're gonna act like a dick you need to dress like one."
-- HBI Member, Robin
"IF I cared, I'd draw you a map of your ass with an X marking the spot where your head is buried."
"Hell hath no fury like a Heartless Bitch forced to listen (yet again) to the sighs and moans of another human being complaining about how insurmountable their problems are when they should be out there actually doing something to solve them!"
-- HBI Member, Jules
"I do not have a gym membership, a husband, or a Vogue subscription. I've
never been in Bloomingdale's. I refuse to talk on the phone and drive.
I'm one of the happiest women I know."
-- HBI Member, Julia
"I believe education should be every woman's top priority, the sight of
a man crying doesn't automatically reduce me to a melted puddle of
compassionate weakness (no get out of jail free card here), and I have
convictions from which I'll never back down."
"I have yet to meet a man I couldn't live without."
-- HBI Member, Jillian
-- HBI Member, Tiffany
"An over-inflated ego wrapped in an undeserved sense of entitlement earns a first class ticket to the back of the queue."
-- HBI Member, Rachel
"I am a 911 dispatcher. I have heard real drama as it unfolds. Your piddly assed problem does not compare real tragedy. Here is a straw, suck it up and move along."
"Just because I don't want to fuck you anymore doesn't make me a lesbian. It just makes you an asshole."
-- HBI Member, Inez
-- HBI Member, Rebecca
"When kicking the unworthy to the curb, kick correctly lest they bounce back to you."
-- HBI Member, Karen H.
"I believe in the ugly truth rather than the beautiful lie."
-- HBI Member, Cobiwan
"At this point, I don't think she's a heartless bitch; she's a bitter, angry bitch, and that's an energy-burner and, eventually, a
"But why does everyone want a fucking medal and a gold star for doing what they SHOULD do? That earns you NOTHING, that is your OBLIGATION. So spare me the pat on your own back. It's just a simple as wiping your ass after you shit, I'm not going to congratulate you for having decency and common sense."
"If I had a dick I'd be applauded and called a real man. But I'm a female - so the world calls me a Bitch."
-- HBI Member Sarah
"Hun, your jerk boyfriend is like a bottle of sour milk in the fridge. You don't keep going back and tasting the milk to see if it's better; why do you think that if you give him enough chances, he'll magically become a nice guy?"
-- HBI Member Ann
"Don’t fuck with my reality. I’d rather know an ugly truth than be mislead by a pretty lie. Just lay it on out there, say what you mean and don’t paint the turds."
-- HBI Member MisTre
"The sexiest parts of my body? My brain, my spine, and my guts."
-- HBI Member, -Nadia
"I strongly object to the primeval notion that women should consider their college years as an opportunity to find a husband. Women, regardless of age, should have an intellectual curiosity that goes beyond wondering if their shoes match their purse."
-- HBI Member, Laura
"You know, having a vagina doesn't make it obligatory for you to breed... Have you considered abortion?"
-- HBI Member, Amber
"Women have been trained to speak softly and carry a lipstick. Those days are over."
-- Bella Abzug, politician
"It annoys me to see women and girls pretend they couldn't find the business end of a power drill/spatula if it was lodged in their brain stems. Girls, you are not useless. Deal with it."
-- HBI Member, Krystel
"I'm single; there are lots of single women in the world that have yet to spontaneously combust due to lack of the presence of a penis."
-- HBI Member, Danielle
"I see no reason why having a clit instead of a dick should bar me from knowing how to work on my car, throw a decent punch, or fish and hunt."
-- HBI Member, Sara
"I do get called a bitch quite often. What I do NOT get called is pushover, stupid, sweetheart, dear or doormat. Works for me."
-- Rebecca M.
"The trick is not how much pain you feel -but how much joy you feel. Any idiot can feel pain. Life is full of excuses to feel pain, excuses not to live, excuses, excuses, excuses."
-- Erica Jong
Audrey: Statistically speaking Law Enforcement attracts a certain kind of male personality.
Matt: And that is?
Matt: And the type of female it attracts?
Audrey: Bitches. We keep it in the canine family.
-- from the ABC TV Series "Heros"
"Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have the obligation to be one. You cannot make any useful contributions in life unless you do that."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
"Take your life in your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame."
-- Erica Jong
"I'm an Air Force officer just like you are, Colonel. And just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside doesn't mean I can't handle whatever you can handle."
-- Colonel Samantha Carter, Stargate SG-1
"Why this insane, vein-popping determination that it's impossible, IMPOSSIBLE that a female who actually has a life and two firing brain cells to rub together would POSSIBLY have anything pointedly critical to say about males?"
"I know the difference between being a Bitch (taking no unwarranted shit) and being an asshole (dishing out unwarranted shit)."
-- HBI Member Lamont
"I couldn't give a rat's tutu about your emotional distress"
-- Judge Judy
"I've been pissed off by one too many immature, disorganized and
emotionally spastic publicists to take any shit from an f'ing
sweetdick BMW-owning engineer. The principle is: Put your balls in your pants and USE
"And oh, the painful attempts at wit. Clearly this guy thinks he's hot shit on a stick with rice. I do agree with the shit part, though, and I definitely have my suspicions about that stick."
"You do learn restraint, though. You can't give in to that motherly urge to smother 'em all in their sleep. In this business it would just mean more work for you the next day."
-- Mamesanne Furey in "Hatching, Matching and Dispatching"
If he really WANTS to use his head as a butt-plug, maybe you should just, you know, LET him. Perhaps he has a fondness for using santorum as a hair-grooming product."
"The first idiotic quick fix of the summer that springs to mind is
ABC's "How to Get the Guy" (10 p.m. Mondays) -- a show that would more
accurately be called "How to Get A Guy, Any Guy" or better yet, "How to
Cast a Great, Big, Wide Net Like the Soulless, Whoring Sea Donkey That
You Are."" -- Heather Havrilesky (From her Salon.com article "I Like to Watch")
"The victimization culture of today's psychology has done a great
disservice to too many people. Somewhere along the way, therapists forgot to
teach their patients that the 'right to have your feelings' does not
mean the right to act like a raging asshole."
-- Natalie P.
"This guy puts the "why?" in Y chromosome... bigtime."
"Having been fucked is no excuse for being fucked up."
-- Kimya Dawson from the song "My Heroes".
"I cannot take any more; I'm so glad that I'll never fit in; That will never be me; Outcasts and girls with ambition;
That's what I wanna see"
-- Pink from the song "Stupid Girls"
"Being a Heartless Bitch is never easy. What made you think choosing the path of self-determination was going to be the easy one? This is going to be painful for you. It isn't all spewing poisoned pen notes about your victimized past, sure THAT is easy. What's hard is building a life, and changing yourself. Not him. You. Have. To. Change."
-- Auntie Dote
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there's a wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
-- Erma Bombeck
"Warning: Frequent visits to HBI has been reported to make our male readers 15%-75% sexier...
Forget viagra boys, just get a spine and that's all the erectile help you'll need."
-- AUNTIE DOTE
"I'm starting to think it can't be Head-Up-Ass Syndrome, because there's got to be more oxygen and more light up even the flabbiest ass than could account for such rampant and long-lasting self-abnegation."
"The brain is connected to the spine. Try to get them working in tandem for a change."
"You know, I really DO hate boneheads, but bonehead WOMEN have a SPECIAL place in the crack of my ass."
"A real HB would do everything s/he can not to waste this lesson, because when the lesson is wasted, That Bitch Called Life will only use a bigger hammer next time around."
"Victimhood is not a costume donned to gain attention"
"Because, you know, there's one thing you don't want. It's a woman with her finger on the button who isn't getting laid."
-- Laine Hanson (played by Joan Allen in The Contender)
"I'd rather be despised for my character than liked for my lack of it."
-- Rebecca J.
"Sometimes you have to learn how to open your mouth for more than just giving head."
-- JadeSyren (to a wanna-be HBI applicant)
"When a man gives his opinion, he's a man. When a woman gives her opinion, she's a bitch."
-- Bette Davis
"I am 'too fiery'... yet I wish to be seen as I am and I would lose all rather than soften away anything."
-- Margaret Fuller
"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass."
-- Maya Angelou
"All alike, you men. You only want the satisfaction of being through with us first, that's all. So far I've had the good fortune of beating you to it. So I am heartless."
-- Greta Garbo, from the movie Inspiration (1931)
"People think at the end of the day that a man is the only answer [to fulfillment]. Actually a job is better for me."
-- Princess Diana
"If you think you are too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito"
-- Anita Roddick
"What worries me the most is that most men are so weak. Because of
that they act like they don't care and like machos - because they are
too fragile inside. They're scared of confrontation and afraid of so
-- Salma Hayek
"My idea of feminism is self-determination, and it's very open-ended:
every woman has the right to become herself, and do whatever she needs
to do. "
-- Ani DiFranco
"Maybe I had three children in the first place so I
wouldn't ever have to play board games. In my religion, martyrs
-- Anna Quindlen
"What happened to the feminist revolution? We thought
we could have it all, but instead we ended up DOING it all."
-- Helen S.
"An intelligent woman has millions of born enemies... all the stupid men."
-- Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
"You can all get over over your fear of looking like the bad guy, and have the uncomfortable "break-up conversation," because avoiding that, is what makes you the bad guy."
-- Carrie - Sex and the City
"People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent."
-- Bob Dylan
"Couldn't, wouldn't, mustn't, shouldn't - these are the
laments of the spineless. I can and I will, but not because I must or I
-- Vicki B.
"But I think I see what these guys' problem is. You
know... aside from the lack of a spine and the latent
misogyny? As long as they continue to act like women
are a separate species and, thus, not relate to us as
HUMAN BEINGS, they'll continue to alienate the
majority of us on sight or send those unfortunate
souls who actually date them (Bleh!) screaming into the
-- Sharon Cooper (commenting on Nice Guys)
"Olivia’s theory was that you could divide women into two types: those who were on the Girls’ Team, and Undercover Bitches. If a woman was on the Girls’ Team, she could be as beautiful, intelligent, rich, famous, sexy, successful and as popular as fuck, and you’d still like her. Women on the Girls’ Team had solidarity. They were conspiratorial and brought all their fuck-ups to the table for everyone to enjoy. Undercover Bitches were competitive: they showed off, tried to put others down to make themselves look good, lacked humour and a sense of their own ridiculousness, said things which sounded okay on the surface but were actually designed to make you feel really bad, couldn’t bear it when they weren’t getting enough attention, and they flicked their hair. Men didn’t get all this. They thought women took against each other because they were jealous. Quite tragic, really."
-- Helen Fielding, Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination
"Yes, sad, clingy, little Jimmy may have an obvious crush on me; and yes he agrees with everything I say. But sexy, confident Johnny has the guts to ask me out; and that really makes all the difference. People are wrong: The size of a man's penis is unimportant. What matters is how big his balls are."
-- Steven Leeson, (Commenting on Nice Guys)
"She was not, herself, hugely in favour of motherhood
in general. Obviously it was necessary, but it wasn't exactly difficult.
Even cats managed it. But women acted as if they'd been given a medal
that entitled them to boss people around. It was as if, just because
they'd got the label which said "mother," everyone else got a tiny part
of the label that said "child"..."
-- Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum
"The thing that gets me is, they say "judgmental" like that's a BAD thing. That is what
feminine socialization wants you to believe! Life without judgment is
worthless. Recipe for wasted time: don't be "judgmental." Just let life
wash over you. There's a subject for an essay right there."
-- Fabulana (on the subject of men who accuse discerning women of "being judgmental")
"It is pathetic to see how feminine socialization is a crutch for so many people to remain lazy, morally irresponsible, etc."
"Parroting your spouse and agreeing with everything
he/she says is no substitute for, nor is it the same as having a spine of
your own. And remember, spines DO bend and move. They aren't rigid.
Don't confuse having an iron rod stuck up your ass with having a spine.
-- Liana Trement
"Haven't you got any romance in your soul?" said Magrat plaintively. -- Terry Pratchett, "Witches Abroad"
"No," said Granny. "I ain't. And stars don't care what you wish, and magic don't make things better, and no one doesn't get burned who sticks their hand in a fire. If you want to amount to anything as a witch, Magrat Garlick, you got to learn three things. What's real, what's not real, and what's the difference."
"You applied. You're here under the assumption that
you have half a brain and opposable thumbs. Step up to the plate and
fucking prove there's more to you than that and quit whining or get used
to having a thin coat of barbeque sauce on your ass."
-- The No Queen (explaining the facts of life to a BitchBoard newbie)
"I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV.
-- Tracy Smith
"Told her that the only way to get on at EMF is to act like one of the boys, and when you act like one of the boys they call you abrasive and difficult, so you act like a woman and they say you're emotional and difficult. Difficult being their word for everything that's not them."
-- Kate Reddy from "I Don't Know How She Does It by Allison Pearson
"OH MY GOD! Pot Smoking!? You know what that leads to?! MUNCHIES! And you know what THAT means: TRANS-FAT. God knows, you don't want your kids getting into THAT."
"If brevity is the soul of wit, your penis must be a riot."
-- Donna Gephart ("The Wicked Little Book of Quotes")
"He tried to tell me I was too angry, but that always struck me as being more
about him than about me. I think I threatened him. And I think it threatens a
lot of people when you are angry but even more so when you have a good
reason for it."
-- Janet Eldred
"Housewife: One who is more married to a house than to the man she once thought it was all about."
"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career"
-- Gloria Steinem
"Just remember, when you are going for a younger
model, be sure you are picking up a zippy little
sportscar and not a Volvo."
"Never judge a man by the size of his dick, but rather by the strength of
his spine that connects his brain to his ass."
"My dear, I have kicked more ass than you have sat on."
-- Zotoh Zhaan, Farscape
"A ship in port is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. Sail out to sea and do new things."
-- Rear Admiral Dr. Grace Murray Hopper
"You're sweet, and you're young; neither are traits that I hold in high regard."
-- Mina Harker to Tom Sawyer in the movie "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen"
"We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers--you can blame anyone, but never blame yourself. It's never your fault. But it's ALWAYS your fault, because if you wanted to change, you're the one who has got to change. It's as simple as that, isn't it?"
-- Katharine Hepburn
"A 'No' uttered from deepest conviction is better and
greater than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble."
-- Mahatma Gandhi
"I used to think 'bad boys' were diamonds in the rough, but then I realized, they were really just lumps of coal."
-- Henrietta Bristow
"Many think they have a kind heart who have only weak nerves."
-- Marie Von Ebner-Eschen Bach
"Any ass can fart an opinion."
"Fast? I've had vaccinations that lasted longer than he did."
-- Karen Razersun
"You're so dense you're developing an event horizon from which not even a
clue could escape."
-- The No Queen
"You turn that big flashing martyr sign on your head up any brighter and you're going to singe off your pointy little moron head."
-- The No Queen
"Never Grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be"
-- Cynthia Paddleford
"The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just take it."
-- Roseanne Barr
"If you have made mistakes. . . there is always another chance for you. . .
You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call
'failure' is not the falling down but the staying down."
-- Mary Pickford
"I was thought to be 'stuck up.' I wasn't. I was just sure of myself. This is and always has been an unforgivable quality to the unsure."
-- Bette Davis
"Now, now. That eye squinting could be a make-shift beer goggle effect. If he squints his eyes, you might, just might, resemble something less ugly than you are."
"Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece."
-- Lisa Simpson
"My antagonistic meanspirited attitude is reserved for fuckwits who desperately try to rationalize or otherwise defend what is an unhealthy mindset. Get some therapy."
"The minute you settle
for less than you deserve,
you get even less
than you settled for."
-- Maureen Dowd
"Save a boyfriend for a rainy day. And another, in case it doesn't rain."
-- Mae West
I have no time for those who whine and cry but do not exert
themselves to try to actively improve a situation they are unhappy
about. "Heartlessness" for a Heartless Bitch does not involve "being
uncompassionate," but rather, only giving compassion where compassion is
"If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you can't tell it about other people."
-- Virginia Woolf
"The only difference between a Rut and a Grave is their dimensions."
-- Ellen Glasgow
"Slapping might work with TVs and other simple mechanical
devices, but if I beat you until you were too ugly for radio, the only thing I'd
get is bruised knuckles. You wouldn't be ANY smarter."
"Most so called professional would say that those that find
themselves in abusive relationships suffer from low "self esteem"... This
is subjective clap trap. What abused people suffer from is a lack of self worth.
Which is not something you can chant yourself into believing. You earn it by
working for it. The value you place on yourself as a human being will be
determined by the work you do to become a thinking human being."
-- James A. (Mac) Warren
"... when author Margaret Atwood polled men about what they
fear most from women, the men replied, "That they'll laugh at us." If that
doesn't make it crystal clear what our strategy should be toward the patriarchs,
frankly, I don't know what does."
-- Susan Jane Gilman from "Kiss My Tiara"
"You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity."
-- Bullet Tooth Tony (from the movie Snatch)
"...it'd be amusing to nail his sorry, Happy Molester ass to the wall with
a hammer stolen from the bag of 'em that he's dumber than."
"A heart is the only thing that has value. If you have one, throw it away. "
-- Longbaugh in "The Way of the Gun"
"There is nothing more loathsome than someone who
wallows in self-pity. A very repulsive creature that is. It's why it's a
"Principles only mean something if you stick by them when they are inconvenient."
-- "Laine Hanson" (played by Joan Allen) from the movie "The Contender"
"I've never fucked anyone that was so good it was worth dying for."
-- Barbara Miller (on the necessity of using condoms)
"We don't make room on our couch for any emotional cripples."
"Livejournal is a site where people who don't have any friends can spend
hours writing fucking inane journal entries and then pretend that they
have friends who want to read them. It's a great system because it keeps
the loonies off the goddamn streets. With Livejournal around, you can
read about some guy who is complaining that Cap'n Crunch slices open the
roof of his mouth when he eats it. If Livejournal didn't exist, you
would be walking down the street and meet the same guy screaming at the
top of his lungs and trying to stab you in the face with a hammer."
-- from "Chris" at somethingawful.com
"I like to look good, that makes me a tease. I like to eat, that makes me
a pig. I like to get off, that makes me a slut. I like to be treated
with respect, that makes me a man-hating dyke. Trust me, I have no
problem being labeled a bitch."
"What IS it with you women and relationships? Always trying to turn a fuck into an engagement."
"Well to make a long story short, and to get right
down to the nitty gritty of it... the man had no pecker. I've held
bigger Bic lighters in my hand."
"Here's the thing: If you ever get me, you wouldn't have a clue what to do with me."
-- "Maxine", (in "Being John Malkovich")
"It can't possibly be your crazy ass, right?
Maybe you should go and get a livejournal account and cry about it there."
"You were 30 pounds overweight, and suddenly you
have some insight into obesity? I guess when my clit swells, I'll know
what it's like to have a dick."
"A friend of mine and I were bitching about chicks recently and after
seeing your site, I realized that we're just going after the wrong
women. Only the princesses want the assholes."
"Heartless it may be, but headless it
ain't. I've never claimed to be nice, just to be sensible."
-- "Granny Weatherwax" a delightfully
practical and irascible witch from Terry Pratchett's Discworld novel,
"Lords and Ladies"
"Be yourself! Be yourself, the magazines insistently croon, so long as
your REAL self has a killer body and a starlet's face. Granted the
magazines also speak to ambition and self-worth, but image rules
tyranically over all."
-- Judith Timson (speaking about teen magazines), McCleans, Sept 2001.
"I don't need another version of marginal person in my life. I think this
term melds over everything. Marginal not only in sane/insane but in
complacent, mediocre people who aren't more than a shoulder shrug.
I decided that people who never answered the door when truth knocked on
it (nay, beat it down) were of no interest to me. I wanted and kept my
"Judge Judy" friends. Friends who knew shit when they smelled it, even
when it came from me, and told me so."
"So what does he do? Circular reasoning: "I'm a shit, and I ruin
everything I touch. I fucked things up with X. But, if she REALLY was
the ONE, then I wouldn't have been able to do it. Everything happened
because SHE willed it to. Goddamnit, it's NOT me, it's HER." You are
evil because you weren't THE ONE who could save him from himself. And no
one else will ever be that mysterious, elusive ONE. He knows that HE'S
the problem, but he's scrambling to make the right woman his unicorn who
will save him from himself."
"Trust me, dear, I know depressed. Depressed sure have made me act
like an ass, but it never split my face in two. That was a conscious
decision on her part, whether either of you want to admit it or not. I
have no sympathy for either of you."
-- The No Queen
"What does it mean to feel "in control" of your life? What I mean by control is the ability to make a choice.
Personal sovereignty means that you choose from what is available in order to be intentional about your life...When you feel in control of your life, you know yourself to be the author of your own actions and know that you always have choices."
-- Polly Young-Eisendrath, from "Women and Desire"
"The difference between winners and losers is that winners do what losers don't want to do."
-- Phillip C. McGraw
"I don't care if men find it hard to know what women want these days; I
don't care if they are angry or frustrated because someone (us) changed
the rules while they weren't looking and forgot to send them a goddamned
memo. Get used to it, guys. Or get a cat."
"Some people prefer the passenger role, because it imposes no real pressure to decide or stand accountable for their life results."
-- Phillip C. McGraw
"It's a well-known fact that the Y chromosome is an incomplete version of the X chromosome. It's
truncated and has less DNA. Which means that (loosely speaking) men are really just imperfect versions of women."
-- G. Brown
"I have no patience or time for people who wear their insecurities on their sleeves like badges of honour."
"Acknowledgement is a no-kidding, unvarnished, bottom-line, truthful
confrontation with yourself about what you are doing or not doing, or what you are putting up with in your life that
is destructive. It's not some pious, phoney-baloney, half-hearted rendition of what you think they want to hear. Nor
is it a watered-down, politically correct 'confession' that you think will buy you closure at the expense of truth.
I mean brutal reality: slapping yourself in the face and admitting what you are doing to screw up your life. This also means
admitting that you are getting payoffs for what you're doing, however sick or subtle those payoffs are."
-- Philip C. McGraw (from "Life Strategies")
"Acknowledgement is just the FIRST step down a very long road. And I have
seen people stuck on that one for *years* (wah wah, I'm an
alcoholic. [knock back another drink]) - just look at X. All those
years of therapy have done is to provide her with the ability to go 'Oh
look. I have a navel.' She hasn't made any REAL progress, because REAL
progress means REAL work, and letting go of ego-centricity. And
she gets far too much attention and too many opportunities for excuses to
get beyond merely acknowledging her childhood abuse and get her shit together. Hell
she isn't even an abuse SURVIVOR because she still BLAMES her bad behavior on her past,
and expects people to cut her slack and feel sorry for her as a result. That's not SURVIVING it,
"Now let's add the ingredient of feeling onesself innocent and yet punished.
'I may have done something wrong, but it wasn't THAT bad - surely I don't
deserve THIS.' Isn't that perfect? We even use our misdeeds to our own advantage. I've done
something wrong but I turn it around so that *I'm* the victim and should be compensated.
And Egocentricity is usually right there with suggestions that could make up for this 'injustice'.
Things like ice cream, or not returning a wallet I find, or driving discourteously, or
gossiping or having an affair with someone else's partner. After all, [the 'victim-mentality' believes] 'Life owes me something'."
-- Cheri Huber, from "Going beyond Self-hate"
"I guess he sees it like this: "Since we're just sleeping together, and
not actually, 'partners', I'll leave you here alone with your migraine and
go to the party without you." So much for compassion, or delaying gratification.
For some people, it seems that "um-friends" is just some poly-sanctioned methodology for
acting like an ass."
-- Ken C.
"Powerful and sneaky people use apologies as end runs around repentance.
They betray a trust; and, when they have been found out, say they are
sorry for 'mistakes in judgment.' They smile through their oily
apologies when their crime calls for quakes of repentance. They get by
only because we have lost our sense of the difference between repentance
for wrong and apologies for bungling... We should not let each other get
away with it. A deep and unfair hurt is not a mere faux pas... When
somebody hurts us deeply and unfairly, an apology will not do the job;
it only trivializes a wrong that should not be trifled with."
-- Lewis B. Smedes ("Forgive and Forget")
"I encourage women to explicitly rebuff unwanted approaches, but I know it is
difficult to do. Just as rapport building has a good reputation, explicitness
applied by women in this culture has a terrible reputation. A woman who is clear and precise is viewed as cold, or a bitch, or both. A
woman is expected, first and foremost, to respond to every communication from
a man. And the response is expected to be one of willingness and
-- Gavin de Becker, from "Gift of Fear"
"Women who pay their own rent don't have to be nice."
-- Katharine Dunn
I don't need anyone to rectify my existence. The most profound
relationship we will ever have is the one with ourselves.
-- Shirley Maclaine
"[He dumped her for another woman?] Even a weatherman could have called THAT one. ("High-pressure, low-integrity blame system approaching from the south. Dense cloud cover, increasing
psychodrama. Partly charming today, 90% chance of disrespect tomorrow. Relative humiliation 100%.")"
-- Tavia, commenting on DT's predictable behavior
"Just because I accept you as you are does not mean that I have given up all hope of your improvement."
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
"Once a woman passes a certain point in intelligence, it is almost
impossible to get a husband: she simply cannot go on
listening [to men] without snickering."
-- H.L. Mencken
"PEACE comes, not from an ABSENCE of Strife and Conflict, but in our ability to COPE with it."
-- unknown (Seen on a Jacket in a pharmacy late at night)
"Somebody just needs to massage that boy's forehead with a brick.
I mean, why doesn't he just lie down IN FRONT of the oncoming train?"
"So fucking what if you're willing to admit you're wrong? Willing to admit it doesn't buy you a "get foot out of mouth free" card."
-- The No Queen
"To want to get better means be ready to face the pain. It is only when
you face the pain that you will begin to gain a healthy perspective from
which you can then think less distortedly, to the point where you will be
able to recognize when you are so triggered as to blur your past with
someone in your present.
Personal responsibility is key here as well. You must take
responsibility for your needs, your wants, your pain, your actions and
you must learn that there is no excuse for abuse. Blaming anyone else,
even someone who abused or hurt you in childhood is not going to help
you heal now. It will not help you meet your needs. It will not help you
learn how to maintain relationships. It will not help you to find
-- A.J. Mahari, from "The Blame Game", an article on BPD at Suite101.
"Every time I say something they find hard to hear, they chalk it up to my
anger, and never to their own fear."
-- Ani DiFranco
"I jest, of course;
premature ejaculation isn't a laughing
matter for anyone, except for your friends when
you tell them about it on the phone the
next morning. My first marriage ended
because the main event was invariably over
before my husband got his socks off."
-- Julie Burchill
"I like my agression up front where I can see it and deal with it. I'm
tired of the weak-minded passive-aggressive bullshit that people fling while
claiming to be "non-confrontational". Anyone who can't confront/address
issues head-on isn't someone I care to spend much time in the company
"FEMINISM IS MY FIGHT. In fact, until more men get involved in this
fight ... then nothing will change at all. You might have a nation of
enlightened women ready to kick some ass and change things, but the
very people who run this world will just be standing there with their
-- R. Eirik Ott, Wussy Boy Chronicles editor, Bust (Winter 2000) - as seen in the Utne Reader online
"If a person has the wherewithall to manipulate a
situation so that things evolve to their liking, then they also have the
wherewithall to act RIGHT, and they get no patience from ME when they
continuously fail to DO so. I mean, if you're legitimately uninformed, then
I'll inform you; if you only fake ignorance when knowledge is inconvenient,
then you'd better get ready for a pointy-booted kick to the curb."
"I am a member of several e-groups and on a couple of them is a woman known only
as mom2alex. Do you not have a personality of your own? Is everything
you do related to your child? It seems terribly selfish and manipulative
(not to mention sad) of these women who use their children to define
their existence. It's just as bad as women who define their lives by
whatever piece of flesh they are fucking this week. How often do these
girls have to change their e-mail addresses?"
"My advice to the women of America is to raise more hell and fewer dahlias".
-- William Allen White
"She's in the same boat, but SHE think's HER'S is a yacht..."
-- Jadesyren (in reference to one of two co-workers who are deluding themselves)
"Heartless does not imply "frigid" or "cold".
Rather it means that a strong woman can
use her gray matter instead of a pretty
shape or blood-filled chamber."
-- Carrie Dalton
K: "It was an accident." -- Ken C.
N: "Did you apologize?"
K: "No. I only apologize when I am genuinely sorry."
"There is a tendency... today to explain human behavior, to remove purpose - motive -
from serious consideration. We tend to accept the notion that mechanical, not purposive,
causation accounts for the things people do. Joe Sinister is a criminal because
his parents beat him or because of a chemical imbalance in his brain or because
of a genetic disorder that removed the function we call conscience... These
explanations of human behavior may be accurate... but the issue of accuracy
is, in fact, quite irrelevant to human societies. A human community that
uses mechanical causation to account for human behavior cannot survive,
because it cannot hold its members accountable for their behavior. That
is, no matter how you account for the origin of a human behavior, a community
must continue to judge the perpetrator on the basis of his intent, as near
as that intent can be understood (or guessed, or assumed). That is why
parents inevitably ask their children the unanswerable question: Why did you
do that? Terrible as that question is, it at least puts the responsibility
back on the child's head and forces the child to ask himself the question that society
absolutely requires him to answer: Why do I do the things I do? And how,
by changing my motives, can I change my behavior?... We must believe in
motives for human behavior, or we cannot maintain community life."
-- Orson Scott Card, from the Introduction to "Cruel Miracles".
"My guess is the point of the "male-basher" label is that I'm supposed to
back down... ditto buzzwords like "aggressive" and "bitch," among others.
Someone throwing those words up does not do so by accident. They are
trying to trigger a meta-message, to get our goody-goody, desperate-for-acceptance
inner girly-girl to take over. Guess what? I've got that little
twit gagged, I was sick of her mealy-mouthed whining holding me back!"
-- Erica Jackson
"Show me a frigid woman and, nine times out of ten, I'll show you a little man."
-- Julie Burchill
"Of COURSE women have more opportunities than men to get laid. I mean,
have you LOOKED at the guys complaining that they can't get any? They
have bad haircuts, they don't bathe, and they have no concept of how to
dress. They tuck shirts into pants so that we can see their beer
guts hanging out over their belts. Yech! And they try the LAMEST lines
on women who look like they just stepped off the fashion pages of Vogue.
I mean, if all we are talking about is sex here, and raw sexual attraction,
let's face it, the bulk of the male race is damned UGLY. You want to get
laid? Try looking HALF as good as the woman you are drooling over."
-- Tasha K.
"I long ago realized that if everybody likes you, you're really not even close to maximizing your true Heartless Bitch potential."
-- Jessica R.
"So when it's in service of her COWARDICE and her MARTYR
complex--when it's time to cover her ASS--she can take action all of a
sudden. But when it's in response to YOUR request, it's just so HARD to
get anything DONE. Except shopping and whining, I mean.
Apparently, though, moving swiftly isn't too hard when
the alternative is having a little SPINE and 'fessing up to your OWN
stinky shit... Maybe Kleenex will offer her a scholarship to the
WDS Institute. Too bad she didn't think about potential [impact on her children] (or
anybody's feelings but her own) when she was busy cutting up... Considering the
visitation thing before popping off at the chops would have required her
thinking about her KIDS, wouldn't it?"
"It's amazing how fast she could move with her tail wedged firmly between her legs.
But I suppose that kind of maneuverability is easier when you don't have a spine."
"I may be many things, but I am no man's consolation prize."
-- The Morrigan
"One wonders what would happen in a society where there were no rules to break. Doubtless, everyone would quickly die of boredom."
-- Susan Howatch (British writer)
"I have no patience for women who cry at the drop of a hat, nor for the men who fall for it."
-- Megan Drip
"See what happens when you let men into the cabinet?"
-- Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, after Health and Human Services
Secretary Donna Shalala pointed out that the two women were discussing
Kosovo policy while, nearby, Housing and Urban Development Secretary
Andrew Cuomo was complimenting Agriculture Secretary Dan Glickman on his
"I can't take you seriously if your skirt is so short I can see your tampon string."
-- Rachel Goodwin
"How can you say you're misunderstood? You're an idiot-there's not a whole lot that needs understanding there."
"I tried the subtle guidance thing, more than once, and it
just didn't work. If a man isn't strong enough to be honest with me,
I'm not going to make an effort to coddle his ego."
-- Ms. Monica
"I don't have a problem with men. I have a problem with STUPID men."
-- Maggie Estep
"Forget the Men in Black, it's the Bitches in Red I'm gonna call."
- Mariweb (from a discussion about Heartless Bitches defending the world from the Sappy.)
"It might help you understand male psychology if you understand that men see themselves
as sexual hunters, like proud jungle cats. They pursue their female quarry through the
jungles of seduction and then, with grace and power, they pounce. Then they cling to
your leg and whine for the rest of their pathetic lives. Male lions also spend most of the
day sleeping. My advice to you, my little gazelles, is RUN like HELL"
-- Steve Burgess, "Hey Baby & Other Lies - Chatelaine, June 1999"
"One of the things about equality is not just that you be treated
equally to a man, but that you treat yourself equally to the way you
treat a man."
-- Marlo Thomas
"I'm also starting to believe that men are more in touch with the
realities of commitment, and that's why they (for the most part, or the
ones I know) avoid making them. My experience with women shows me that
they candy-coat the reality of co-habitation."
"Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian."
-- Shari R. Barr
"An individualist is a man who says: 'I will not run anyone's life - nor
let anyone run mine. I will not rule or be ruled. I will not be a master
nor a slave. I will not sacrifice myself to anyone - nor sacrifice anyone
-- Ayn Rand, "Textbook of Americanism"
"I say, I don't care if you want to act like a child --
I'm going to treat you like an adult. Which means that your actions have adult
consequences. Pouting and shouting will only make me leave not stay and hug
and comfort for irrational and unacceptable behavior. I feel proud/lucky to have
never 'trained' a boyfriend. They don't make it past the first date if they're
"...big strapping boys with loads of testosterone, overactive libidos and dim
intellects. One of them asked for my number so he could call me with the
address for the party. Yeah right: 1-800-OH-AS-IF!"
-- the morrigan
"Sometimes a big dick is just that."
-- the morrigan
"A lot of warm vulgarity is incomparably preferable to a little bit of pinched
-- Caitlin Thomas
"Um--I hate to break it to him (and his therapist),
but he HASN'T accepted responsibility... As far as *I* know (and hey, who knows--maybe he's been communing
with the spirit of Webster, and has gotten sanctioned changes that us mere
mortals know nothing about), taking responsibility for something means
'fessing up AND trying to make things better. He's not even 'fessing up
with both feet, much less admitting that something needs to be made
better, much LESS doing something to actually try to MAKE it better. All
he's doing is SAYING that he takes responsibility; -- Tavia
And there you have it, ladies and gents--Taking Responsibility
Lite! Tastes great, less filling! All of the lip service, and none of the
work! ACTUALLY taking responsibility? Forget THAT messy alternative!"
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
"When they're not squawking about how they aren't respected by the
powers-that-be, they're far enough up those powers' assholes to taste
lunch. They all feel that I'm a bit brazen-rightfully so-because I swear
by the aphorism: "If you can't hack it, pack it!" I've got better things
to do on the job than validate a bunch of sniveling, objecting, fussy
little weasels - like look for another job."
-- Liz M.
"These feminist manhaters are made of straw, or rather of crunched-up
broadsheets of the conservative press (how do they get the leg hairs to
stick, I wonder...) ... . How is being a feminist meaningful if, to be
"okay", you have to conform to the patriarchal feminine? ( the
patriarchal feminine, like: not being "ugly", "mean", "angry"...)"
"I have NO sympathy for people who want to play both sides of the fence
and then have the gall to whine how much it *huuuuurrts* (and how hard done
by they are) when they get a picket SHOVED UP THEIR ASS."
"You may not be able to change the world, but at least you can embarrass the guilty."
-- Jessica Mitford
"I only stayed because you turned the lights out."
-- Elisabeth Bennington
"Her message is quasi strong enough to say she's a *flounce* independent-like grown-up type woman, but not quite
powerful enough to say...fuck off, jerk.
Reminds me of the Spice Girls, Meredith Brooks and Hollywood "strong" women. -- JadeSyren (from a discussion about MaxiMag and its editor, Janelle Brown)
"Just saying no prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day' cures chronic depression."
-- Faye Wattleton
"I WAS going to call you a bastard, but you're too ugly to be a love child!"
-- submitted by FeralCheryl
"I don't do lost causes. Sold my tamborine.
Besides. I find that most often, the people so desperately in need of enlightenment prefer the dark.
Not that the dark isn't good, but I'm not talking about any other nuance of darkness than the uneducated brand."
"Me have an affair? Yeah, like I actually wanna fake orgasm for two men."
-- Anita Monical
"Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism."
"Some people simply grow old, but they never grow UP. Clearly he is becoming more of an assoholic in his old age."
"The Problem is: many terrific women have made themselves overqualified for the job of wife, because many men are looking for a woman
with 'receptionist-level wife skills', not 'CEO-level wife skills'. Meaning: If a woman doesn't hang
on a man's every word, is too independent, challenges his leadership, wants to create her own
hours, demands emotional raises, then there won't be as many openings for the kind of wife
position she is seeking. One of the big problems with marriages in the nineties: no room for two husbands."
-- Karen Salmansohn, (From "How to Succeed in Business without a Penis")
"The popular notion about marriage and love is that they are synonymous,
that they spring from the same motives, and cover the same human needs.
Like most popular notions this also rest not on actual facts, but on
superstition.... -- Emma Goldman
On rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple
falling in love after marriage, but on close examination it will be
found that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable."
"...when a system of confining scripture
tears families apart, subjugates one life to another, breeds hypocrisy
despite itself -- when the dogma ends up breeding only dogs -- that's when
I sign off and look for a better story, one that doesn't declare my entire
gender to be unclean and the root of the world's woes."
-- Heather McGee
"This is the Bitchboard, don't sit on your hands. Say something; make it
critical, or make it provocative, but don't make it a pansy-assed political poll. We ain't your mammies."
-- Fabulana (whacking a newbie on the BitchBoard)
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job."
"If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then litigation is the sincerest form of 'Thank-you'."
-- Nataliep (in reference to a site that attempted to copycat HBI)
"He thinks he's got some kind of immunity to her headgames? That kind of arrogance is just laughable. I don't care if you are
coated in teflon - if shit is being flung and you are anywhere in the vicinity, some of it is going to land on YOU."
|Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 2001, All Rights Reserved|
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