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But I'M NOT BITTER...
The Goddess of battle, strife, and destruction explains it all for you
by

DATE

Aug 1, 2005

 

Now, I'm not the type of girl who condones revenge (unless it's the literary variety) because it always boomerangs. I'm the walk away and chalk it up to experience type of gal -- but not all of my friends are as prudent. Especially when they've been betrayed by a lover.

 

One observation before I get into today's tale: in situations where a woman discovers that her partner has been cheating on her, a baffling number seek revenge against the Other Woman.

 

To this, I must ask: Why? Unless the Other Woman is a friend or relative, she is not accountable or beholden to you. Direct your anger where it belongs: squarely at the doorstep of your cheating partner. The Other Woman may not even know you exist. She made no promises, explicit or otherwise, to honour the bond between you and your partner - he did. He's been lying to you all along - chances are he's been lying to her as well. Unless and until you have solid proof of the Other Woman's perfidy, take the high road - at least as far as she is concerned. (All bets are off, naturally, if she gets in your face, interferes with your life, gloats or otherwise makes it apparent that she is delighting in rubbing your nose in it.)

 

And now, on with the show.

 

Melissa and Jack had been living together for 7 months and were, Melissa believed, quite happy and well suited. Both had high profile, high stress jobs - she was a trader on the TSE, while Jack was an up and coming corporate mergers and acquisitions lawyer - so the time they spent together was both limited and precious.

 

Jack's job required him to be impeccably turned out and much of their spare time was spent outfitting Jack at great expense. Melissa's closet contained a modest selection of well-made separates. Jack, on the other hand, had no fewer than 35 designer suits, custom made shirts worth $200 a pop, silk ties and a wide selection of top of the line shoes, coats and about 40 sweaters, most of them cashmere. So extensive was Jack's wardrobe that their spare bedroom had been transformed into a walk in closet, meticulously organized and lovingly maintained. In fact, Jack was such a fervent clothes horse that Melissa reported that there were times when the hydro bills would be neglected so that he could purchase an item he "absolutely needed" for work. His clothing bills were so exorbitant that most months, Melissa paid the rent and the bills - despite the fact that Jack made more than she did.

 

One morning last month, in the mad confusion to get out the door, Melissa mistakenly grabbed Jack's cell phone instead of her own. During the day, she received no fewer than 5 text messages on Jack's phone, each more erotically explicit than the last. Intrigued and more than a little pissed, Melissa responded to them, pretending to be Jack. She soon discovered that he had been carrying on with a young associate at another firm for at least 6 months. Naturally, she was incensed, upset and grimly determined to exact revenge.

 

She took the rest of the day off and sprang into action. She closed their joint account, gave written notice on their apartment and paid through the nose to have her belongings immediately removed to a storage facility. She cancelled her cell phone account so he couldn't contact her easily and then went home to Mother.

 

As a final farewell, Melissa gathered up every single one of Jack's suits. She took all his shirts, all his sweaters, every coat, each pair of shoes. She even took his underwear and socks. In fact, Melissa made off with every piece of clothing Jack possessed apart from the stuff he was wearing.

 

Having a shrewd idea that Jack would sue her ass off if anything happened to his beloved wardrobe, she did not destroy a thing. Instead, Melissa took every stitch he owned and divided them between several upscale dry cleaners and shoe repair facilities. She gave instructions to replace all the buttons on each of his shirts, to have every pair of his shoes resoled and have all of his suits taken in by an inch at the waist and shortened at the hem and cuffs.

 

By the time Jack arrived home that evening, he found an apartment devoid of furniture and all his clothing. In their place was a pile of dry cleaning receipts, requiring Jack to pay well over $2,500 to liberate his clothing.

 

I can imagine Jack was quite surprised - but that's nothing to the astonishment that will descend on September 1 - when the new tenants move in.

 

Till next time,

 

Morrigan

 



Copyright© the Morrigan & Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 2004
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