The Male Biological Clock
Feb 26, 2007
Quick update:† Iíve moved cities again.† Same job, different office, 4 hours
away.† I know almost nobody.
So, when I was introduced to
someone via a mutual friend, I went on my first date in years.† (And years, and years, and years.)
He seemed like a nice guy.† Personable, presentable, funny,
interesting.† All good, right?
Our first date consisted of
dinner and a long chat.† He was a
complete gentleman and seemed interested in what I had to say.† He was interesting himself - he had
traveled, had done lots of things in his life and seemed like he wasnít a
psycho.† He is 37 and (gasp) a fireman -
you can see I really wasnít entirely responsible for my actions in going out
with him in the first place.
Our second date was, however, a
horse of a different colour.
Somehow during the post-dinner
conversation (and donít even ask me how this came up because I havenít got the
faintest clue), he dropped a bomb.
"I need to know what you want out
of this", he said, startling me considerably.
"Uh..." I fumbled, trying to figure
out what in the world he was talking about.†
It couldnít be "us" because there was no "us" - Iíd had two meals with
the man.† With some trepidation, I
waited for him to continue.
"Because I want to get married
and have children.† And Iíd like to
marry a woman with the same values that I have.† Sheíd have to give up her career to care for the children."
WTF???!!!† What sort of topic of conversation is this to bring up the second
time Iíd clapped eyes on the man?!† A
man, I might add, who had yet to even kiss me goodnight.
"I donít really want to waste my time, if this isnít what
youíre into", he continued, as I struggled to pick my jaw up off the floor.
Jeez, I know Iím a catch, but
this all seemed a bit sudden.† Sensing
my hesitation (which anyone else would have correctly construed as shock and
panic), he put another offer on the table.
"We could try the "friends with
benefits" thing, if you like.† You know,
sleep together but not be in a relationship."
Needless to say, I was mightily
insulted by the subtext, which I translated as "Iím more than happy to have sex
with you until something better comes along."†
I told him that I wasnít
interested in THAT either.
"Or we could just be friends - no
sex - and see where it goes."
Or, I thought to myself, I could
finally figure out how that "call blocking" feature on my new phone works.† Seems a bit soon to think of moving again,
but if needs must...
Is *this* the sorry state
that dating has gotten itself into while Iíve been on hiatus??† How have all you poor things survived it?
The evening ended rather
awkwardly and of course, led to another even more awkward conversation some
days later (before I discovered the call display feature on my phone).
"I wasnít asking you to marry me
right away", he began.† "I just donít
want to waste my time."
But, I thought, youíre quite willing to shag the eyes out of me until Mrs.
Right comes along.† Charming.† I would have laughed if he hadnít been
Since that little discussion,
Iíve been avoiding him like the plague.†
And heís been calling - oh God, has he been calling!† And I canít quite figure out why:† Iím not going to marry him, Iím not going to
be his booty call - WTF does this boy imagine is here for him?
I talked it over with Natalie and
apart from pegging him accurately as a man with a biological clock on
overdrive, she told me to go with my gut and jettison him.† As if there were ever any question about
that!† It was simply a matter of
deciding how to go about it.
Now, the way I see it, there are
several ways to do this.
1.† The Honourable Dump:† "Iím
sorry Mr. Wonderful, but I have no ambitions to be changing your bratís diapers
and giving up my career to devote my life to you (especially since I earn two
and a half times what you do)".
2.†† The Feeling Saver:† "Iím
just not good enough for you, Mr. Wonderful.†
Although Iím aware of the great honour youíre doing me by even
considering me as marriage/booty call material, Iím afraid Iíd disappoint you
by not being servile and obedient enough to your every whim."
3.†† The Chickenshit (my personal favourite):† Screen all my calls, avoid him like the
plague, thank the stars for my lucky escape and berate the friend who told me
he was a "nice guy".
Right, thatís decided:† number three it is.† However, I have every confidence that no
matter how hardcore I am about implementing the Chickenshit Strategy, heíll
eventually track me down and demand an explanation.
If that happens, I suppose Iíll
trot out the "itís not you: itís me" line and whatever else I think he might
In the meantime, however, he has
managed singlehandedly and in record time, to persuade me to forgo the
wonderful world of dating for the foreseeable future.† If this is representative of what is going on out there, I want
no part of it.
Till next time,