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But I'M NOT BITTER...
The Goddess of battle, strife, and destruction explains it all for you

Adieu le Feu

by

 

Mar 19, 2007

 

Iím ignoring the phone.

 

Itís the fireman.I donít want to talk to him.

 

Yes, yes: I get the ďbe careful what you wish forĒ irony in the statement.

 

Ah but ladies, you should know better -- God always has a cloud for my silver lining and this time is no different.

 

For no apparent reason, the fireman sees me as Wife Material.

 

Iím not shitting you.He just will not let it go.

 

Initially I thought it was bizarre that given that he had no desire to know me carnally Ė until it occurred to me that he had devised an especially accurate simulation of marriage.What married people do you know who actually have sex?

 

I found it all quite weird and unsettling Ė and until tonight, I thought Iíd managed to weasel my way out of it.

 

Yes, yes, Iím taking the cowardís way out Ė or at least giving it a bloody good go. ( Plan 3, I think we agreed to call it a few columns ago.)

 

Thereís nothing there, but I donít want to hurt his feelings.How do you say to someone: ďLook youíre a great guy: now go awayĒ?

 

I thought Iíd gotten away with it when I failed to return his last call.

 

I didnít speak to him for 10 suspenseful days Ė by Day 7, I was convinced Iíd lost him -- then he called again tonight. I was SO close! Why wonít he just go away?I thought I was free and clear thereÖ.on the other hand, the kitchen ceiling needs some work and I want a dimmer in my bedroom.

 

The first time he called was to invite me to go and see ď300Ē.Now, normally warrior movies are right up my alley in a pathetic, Trekkie way, but the thought of spending an evening with him Ė decent though he is, and a fireman to boot Ė rendered the idea significantly less appealing.

 

I donít want to slag him because he really is nice (that ďkiss of deathĒ word when applied to men!) but we just have wildly differing agendas.†† I am not going to waste my time or his.

 

That being said, I donít think Iím going to be able to skulk my way out of this either.(My fondest hope where this situation is concerned.)

 

This is going to require a Conversation.I hate Conversations.

 

WTF am I going to say to the man that he shouldnít already know?

 

ďThereís zero chemistry, our goals and aspirations are polar opposites and we are not attuned on a fundamental level in any respect.Nothing personal.Ē

 

I mean, for Godís sake! Was I the only one in the room??Iíve never struggled so hard to keep a conversation alive in my life!

 

While he looks good on paper, he bores me rigid.So itís not the scintillating conversation.It canít be sex because we donít have any, so Iím baffled as to the nature of this guyís apparent attachment to me.

 

And when did men morph into 1950s debutantes?

 

I am absolutely dreading seeing him again.I know I just have to bite the bullet and do it, though it still freaks me out that itís come to this.To actually have to say it out loud, explicitly.How can two people be in such entirely different universes?††

 

I wonít be cruel. Iíll try to tread that razor-thin line of honesty and tact.Surely to God, this cannot come as a surprise to him.†† Iíve never met a more incompatible person in my life.Itís nobodyís fault.

 

But I never dreamed Iíd have to spell it out.

 

Shit!The phone again.

 

Guess who?

 

This time, heís canceling.

 

Run away! Run away!

 

 

Till next time,

 

Morrigan



Copyright© the Morrigan & Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 2007
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