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What's Wrong with Nice Guys?

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What happens when a Himbo asks a Heartless Bitch for Sympathy...


To: The Self-absorbed Artistic-Loser Himbo
From: nataliep@heartless-bitches.com

>...I probably fall in to this category (artistic loser) 
>much more than your typical "himbo."
>
>I don't know how much money I owe people (~$10,000 more if you 
>include expensive gifts watches, computers, cameras, etc.).  I 
>intend to pay people back, really, I do. I just need to become 
>a little more stable.

"I'll get my shit together one day...." is a pretty lame song and dance.

Why not stop lying to yourself and everyone else?  It's like the kids
who don't take condoms along or plan for sex, because if it "just 
happens", they think it's somehow more forgivable, than if they actually
-planned- it.  If you bullshit yourself and everyone else by
saying you really DO mean to pay everyone back, it doesn't change
the impact or results of your actions one iota.  And it would appear
that thus far, your "intentions" have not been matched by your actions.

Why not just take the attitude that if they are giving you stuff
and doing things for you, it's because they want to, and you don't 
owe them a thing?  At least it's more honest.

"Other people's property comes naturally to me." 
         -- Vila ("Blake's 7")

Feeling sorry for your actions doesn't do anything for anyone
except YOU: It allows you to assuage your guilty conscience.

>This summer I'm doing some programming for "somecompany.org" 
>which should be "somecompany.com" because it's all effeciency 
>and money with these people.  I'm on the verge of getting 
>fired/quiting every other day.
>
>I took this job because I needed access to their computing 
>resources and because I'm trying to get my shit together.  
>Even though these are basically nice people their culture of 
>money and effeciency makes me want to puke.

Welcome to the real world.  Your distaste for the culture which
generates money hasn't prevented you from living off the benefits
("watches, computers, cameras, etc.", "access to their computers").  
It would appear that your "morals" only surface when YOU actually 
have to do the work....

>I just turned 34 and 18 year-olds still follow me around call 
>up a giggle or call and there is silence on the other line for 
>minutes.  Unfortunately, I actually fell for one of these 
>girls this past year - even though she followed me for months 
>as soon as she learned what a flake/geezer I was she got out 
>the garlic and crucifix.

Which is why an intelligent woman your own age won't touch you
with a 10-foot pole.  Keep it up and the only people who WILL
look at you with any interest will be naive 18-yr-olds.  Anyone
my age, with 1/2 a brain, expects a partner to act like an equal, 
and an adult.

>But occassionally I get calls - usually in bursts - where 
>somebody will be silent one the other end for minutes - many 
>calls a day -then nothing for a while. Or she comes by dance 
>class and has her friend hide out in the back of the room.

So, has she graduated from highschool yet?

>This hurts - because for all the good intentions in the world 
>- I hurt this girl very badly.  Other girls and some guys 
>(almost always very young) have been hurt simply by my not 
>responding to their attention.  Damned if you do; damned if 
>you don't.

Nah.  You can't take the hit for not responding.  Where you take
the hit is if you mislead them.  Life's rough.  You don't always
get what you want.  Too many middle-class kids today grow up
getting pretty much what they want from overworked, guilt-ridden
parents.  Then they have to grow up.  My heart bleeds.

As for the "damned if you do" - simply getting involved with 
someone isn't damning.  Fucking them over -is-.  

>My father was a "himbo" as well.  He would tell me stories of 
>GUYS coming up a kissing him in the restroom.  He also had an 
>"artistic" temperment....

Oh.  I see.  It's genetic.  It's not -your- fault that you've acted
like a jerk.  It's because of your environment and your genes....

>This is my struggle - if I get a "real" job and stop being "a 
>loser" I get a life prescription to prozac.  If I don't, I 
>never develop a meaningful life.  Plus I'm getting older - at 
>24 I could get women to support my lifestyle without 
>breathing. At 34 its a little harder; but not much.  At 44?

Gods.  One violin ain't gonna be enough.  I think I'm gonna
need a whole symphony here... 

>The main thing about being a "himbo" is not the looks - its 
>the nacissism  generated by being doted on one's entire life.

Yep. You get an over-inflated, disproportional sense of self-importance.
One which you are currently attempting to mask under a cloak of
self-abasement.

>What falling in love with this girl taught me - is that the 
>world doesn't revolve around me.  

Amazing.  And it only took you 34 years to come to this conclusion?

>For the first time in my 
>life, I actually cared about someone - which implicitly forced 
>me to care about myself.  

... the symphony builds to a crescendo....

>Before it was so what, there plenty 
>of fish. It's her loss - she'll never do this well.

Oh yeah... I remember that one well.... the constant and implicit
undercurrent of "you'd better live up to my expectations, because there
are so many others waiting in the wings to take your place..."

I have one statement for guys with that attitude "I got news for you.  
You're not that good."

>This was my loss - this time.  And I have to find some way for 
>a crazy fuked up person like me to survive in this fuked up 
>world  if I expect ever to come close to that again.

How about getting over yourself, for starters?  Your remorse
rings hollow.  

>In defense of "artistic losers" we (both Male and Female) 
>simply feel things different - as the poet Robert Lowell said 
>"With one skin layer missing."

So what about the "artistic winners"?  I think you are making excuses.
And pretty pathetic ones at that.

I know several people who have "artistic" temperments...  The kind
of kid that never fit in in school, flits from one interest to the
next on a whim -- implusive, creative, and highly intelligent.  And
these people are applying their creativity, making a place for
themselves in the world, and enjoying life.  Yeah, they work hard,
but they play a lot too. 

>So try not to rant too hard if "the man" doesn't make as much 
>money as you.  Some try but are just "losers."

So?  Like I should feel sorry for them?  Puh-Leeze!  How is my sympathy going
to help YOU (or anyone like you), get your shit together?  In fact,
the more people that feel sorry for you, and cut you slack, the less
likely it is that you will EVER acheive a degree of personal
responsibility.  It's just too fucking easy to let someone else
do all the work, isn't it?

I've lived in roach-infested rooming houses, and on cup-a-soup and Kraft 
macaroni, and worked my butt off slinging hash, put myself through school,
and done the things I wanted to in life. Despite what people might interpret 
from the HBI site (which started as a joke, and is still very much in that 
vein), I am an exceedingly happy and fulfilled person.  Which is why I don't 
feel ANY compunction to feel sympathy or even compassion for people like you 
who complain about how rough life is/has been on you....  Pull up your socks, 
stop saying "it's in my nature", or it's because of my upbringing, and get a 
grip.  

Life can "happen" to you, or you can make your life happen.  I prefer
to be in control of mine.  It ISN'T an overwhelmingly difficult task.
It just means you actually have to -work- at it.  But like ANYTHING in life,
if you practice, it gets easier and easier.

Maybe you should just give up on trying to be honest and hardworking -- go
with your natural talents and let people give you money and home-cooked 
attention.  Think of it this way:  you'll be doing a service to young
women by teaching them about the kind of guy they NEVER want to get 
hooked up with for a serious long-term relationship...  After all, it
seems to be human nature that we learn the most from our bad experiences
in life.

        "Well, if they would not go to school, they must still have their
         education."  - Alex, from "A Clockwork Orange"

heartlessly pitiless,
-Natalie


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