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Sometimes...

... we get the most unexpected things in the mailbag.

While Heartless Bitches International doesn't have any pretenses about "helping" anyone - we never set out to do that - every once in a while someone tells us about the strength or insight the web site provides. This story is a graphic reminder that it ain't a perfect world out there...


Ethan's Story

Hi, I'm Ethan and I have a story I think you'd like to hear.
Now don't worry this is neither rat-shit sappy garbage, nor a go at your organisation... I just want to tell you about how your site helped me out.

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My best friend, J., is 18 years old (a year younger than me, although that's irrelevant). We've been very close since we were old enough to talk (okay, thats a lie. We fought like dogs until we were about ten or eleven.)

We've been through heaps together as well; - I taught her to ride, she taught me respect. I taught her to box, she taught me to put the seat down (via threatening to kill me). In short, she's intelligent, determined, witty, stylish (er... in her own way), very capable, and she's never even bothered to attempt to prove herself to any jerk off troglodytes interested in nothing but a bang to slag off to their mates about.

Two and a half years ago, her friend was caught in what the friend called "a difficult relationship". Fuckwit. (He was beating on her and it was blindingly obvious. Her friend is one of these head cases that buys into lame bullshit like, "I'm sorry, you know I love you, I had problems when I was a kid, I'll never do it again I promise".) Still, when dickwad finally came around to the fact that he was abusing her and asked J. for help, she agreed to try (J. always was too bloody loyal.) She went round to her friend's place, and it turned out that the prick boyfriend was there at the time. He hit her friend in front of J. and J. laid right into the bastard.

Right after that, the shit hit the fan.
We were all at a party a week later. J. was on her own and she got grabbed by loverboy's older brother and his mates. They chucked her in the back of a car, drove out whoop-whoop somewhere and then the four of them bashed, and then with wire tied round her wrists, gangraped her.

She came to school the next day. Didn't say a word. I had no idea what to think, but I could tell she was upset... I said to her, "Hey you left us all high and dry last night... Why'd you dash off?". I think after I said that I noticed the cut marks on her wrists (from the wire.) She wouldn't tell me a thing. Two nights after that, two of them grabbed her and shoved a knife in her face. They said get down on the ground (this was in a mate's house by the way) and told her to count back from ten. She told them to go to hell. They raped her again. No price human life... mother fuckers.

Next arvo I saw her and I knew straight away something was real fucking wrong, so I said, "Do you want to talk about what happened?". She said yeah, she did, and she just kind of blurted everything out. I can't begin to imagine how she felt, but what she said left me absolutely shattered. I think in one go I lost faith in everything.

As I got myself together, I wouldn't let her out of my sight.
Everywhere she went I was asking her what she was doing or where she was going and why. I treated her like she was my damaged property (I was an idiot, yeah.) I started getting really pushy - asking her if she was okay every 5 minutes, that kind of thing - and she got jack of it, turned around and said "I know you care about me and hate what happened, but I don't need you to save me. I was raped, it fucking hurt and it still does, but don't treat me like a victim". What she said made no sense whatsoever. I couldn't get it through my thick skull.

Anyhow, I was browsing one day and someone gave me a link to your website... I was glued to the computer for nearly four hours, little brother hanging off me saying "it's my turn now". I was absolutely rapt in it... After I finished laughing my arse off until I bawled, I actually read some things people had said and written. It sorta gave me a whole, um, I dunno. It changed the way I thought about J. I thought "fuck, she's a real person and she's hurting a lot right now, and she needs to feel in control". I figured out my wanting to be her shadow was far from helping, and I told her how I really felt.

For the end of my bloody life story (yeah I crap on), she's great and our friendship is twice as strong. She told me - and this is why I'm writing to you - "If I had never been through it, I wouldn't be the person I am today, and I would never have known my real strength. I was a fucking awful thing to have gone through, but with no bad experiences my life wouldn't have the meaning it does because I never would have learned anything" (I've probably missed some of that) So...

I guess that's the story... Like I said, I just wanted you to know you helped me out.

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... and in case you are wondering, yeah, J. did press charges. Two of them got off, but one got four years for something like "reckless endangerment" and another got 7 - 14 for rape.

Ed Note: So much for our "justice system"...

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Copying or reproduction (in whole or in part) on any medium (such as in print or on the web) is expressly forbidden without written permission from HBI


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