"RANTS" Archive

What's Wrong with Nice Guys?

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A Heartless Bitch rant about HIMBOS

Any woman who has reached the pinnacle of Heartless Bitchiness, has had to deal with (and may even have gone out with) a "Himbo" or two in her life. For those who aren't familiar with the term, Himbos are the male equivalent to Bimbos...

We are talking about the kind of guy who is so good-looking, that when he walks into a room, everyone, (men and women, both) notice him. The kind of guy people call "devastatingly" handsome.

Though she will acknowledge how physically attractive a himbo is, a woman with brains will want to whip out the crucifix and garlic if the guy comes anywhere near her. God knows, you don't want to be seen talking to him, lest someone think you are like one of those dippy groupies he generally has hanging all over him...

Some may call us Jaded, but I'd just say we are Experienced.

I KNOW there are the rare individuals out there who don't fall into this "Himbo" category, but let's face it, the vast majority DO, as I will articulate in detail. Grant me my hyperbole - this is, after all, a "rant2".

Heartless Bitches know that these "Himbos" always seem to have one or more of 3 fatal personality flaws:

  1. No Personality - his looks have always paved the way for him, so he never developed a personality, or brains, or wit, or charm... "I looked into his beauuuuutiful blue eyes, and guess what I saw? --- The back of his head!"

  2. Obnoxiously Arrogant - Every chance he gets, he lets it slip how many babes are just waiting in the wings for him, and how lucky you are to have his attention. He EXPECTS that women (or men, depending on his sexual preferences) are going to be attracted to him, and offer him preferential treatment. Of course, the root cause of this arrogance is clearly insecurity, which is equally unattractive.

  3. Hugely Insecure - He really is a Nice Guy(tm), but all his life he has had to contend with people attracted to him for his looks. Now he is never sure if people really like him for the person he is... Generally, it's been the shallow and immature people who come on to him (for his looks), so he has had more than his share of bad relationships, which supplies him with more (emotional) baggage than your average passenger train. Of course, this gives him the right to act like a total jerk when his insecurities flare up.

Our readership poll has concluded that while *some* himbos may be fun in bed, most are pretty mediocre. So if you are thinking of one for just a fling, remember that he's probably not good for much more than looking like an attractive bauble on your arm.

The more Heartless of us find some amusement in knowing that these guys are destined to have a desperate and devastating mid-life crisis as their looks start to fail. We can laugh with Heartless abandon as we watch them flail about spending huge amounts of money on facelifts, liposuction treatments, and dermabrasion. Somewhere down the road, after they discover that money and surgeons can't buy back their youth and appearance, these Himbos may actually have to rely on brains and personality like most of the rest of the world does.

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