I'll Get Married (or NOT) When I'm Damned Good and Ready to!
I'm tired of various female family members always trying to fix me up
with men that they say are "husband-material".
What the fuck does that mean? If he's such a great guy, why don't you
Goddammit, I'm only NINETEEN! What is up with the concept that a Latin
Woman over the age of eighteen is an old maid? My life is just
beginning! It's such garbage.
I grew up in a fairly contemporary Mexican household that had old world
values with a fairly new twist. But that marriage thing keeps on
slapping me in the face. I have so many people constantly asking me,
"So, are you dating anyone?", and when I say "No", they say "Aww too bad. I
bet if you lost some weight the men would be beating down your door."
Why not ask me "Are you going to school?" or "What are your goals?". The
kicker is that these women asking me these questions are not spring
chickens themselves, were married at a young age, and are now unhappy. Most of
their husbands are out philandering and they blind themselves to it by
pretending that marriage was the "best thing that ever happened" to
them. Never mind that they don't have much more education than high
school, if even that. They HAVE to be "happy" in their marriages - they have
no other options!
To them I say, "Mind your own damn business you old biddies!"
I'm happy just the way that
I am. I love the freedom that I have to take off for the weekend with my
friends. I can go to poetry readings and museums or to the beach or to
an R rated movie without having to find a babysitter.
As much as I love kids, I'm happy to spend time with my baby cousins and
take them to the zoo and spoil them rotten. However, I'm glad to take
them back to their mothers when they get bratty. I'm just not
emotionally or financially ready for children.
The other problem I have is the sideward glances I get for dating
outside of my race. I would love to find a Latino that I'm compatible
with but why limit myself? Love is blind. I don't care for looks, I go
for persona and ambition. It pisses me off when my mother says, "I don't
want any nappy-headed grandchildren!". That is such an ignorant thing to
say, especially since she is engaged to a white man. Really, it is nobody else's business
if the person I am dating is black, white, green, or aquamarine with purple
I get so irritated at the fact that just because I'm dating someone, my
mother automatically assumes I'm going to get married or have kids with
him. The fact that I'm dating a black man makes her so uneasy; she is
constantly trying to fix me up with other men!
Geeze, just let me live my life the way I want to. If I want your
opinion, I'll ask for it. But don't hold your breath. I'm happy and that
should be your only concern. My biological clock has at least 25 more
years before the ticking starts.
I feel so blessed to live in this
country in this day and age where a woman can choose to live her life as
she sees fit. If wanting to wait until I have a stable career and sense
of self to get married makes me an old maid, then an old maid I'll be.
But at least I'll be better prepared for whatever obstacles will be put
in my path and I won't have to depend on my future husband for
everything. If and when I decide to marry, I'll be able to share responsibilities with my partner.
So many women in my family who were married young, divorced young. The biggest
lesson that I learned was not to fall into that same pattern and just to
live life for myself.