And Still more comments from and about Nice Guys...
Date: Fri, 5 Dec 2003
Subject: Sick of hearing how women hate ALL men
OK,I need to get this off my chest. I'm sick of hearing day in and day out
from women about how bad men suck. It's getting old. Maybe if the good guys like
me were given a chance once in awhile,they wouldn't have to say that all men
Most women this day in age seem to go for drunks,druggies,dropouts,the
jobless,guys that pick fights with random people or get arrested constantly or
even ALL OF THE ABOVE.
It seems like every woman I've had a chance to have a
good thing going with, has either suddenly become missing in action or went for
somebody else without my knowing.
But boy oh boy if I was some cocky
son-of-a-bitch that most anyone would LOVE to take by the throat and punch the shit out
of, I wouldn't have no trouble at all. My relationships would be great and
But no,not me. I know how to treat women. Me and legions of other nice
guys are single.
And day after day,I hear women gripe about how bad men suck.
Well, if we good guys were given a chance,they wouldn't have to think that. I know the 50s are over,but come on,something's got to give here.
Thanks for listening anyway.
Date: Thu, 4 Dec 2003
Subject: Rant on "Nice Guys" who want me to find them a girlfriend
My roommate of the last few months wants me to find him a girlfriend. This is all well and good-- actually, it's not, but we'll get back to that-- but... I can't do it. I wouldn't want to, even if I could find a girl willing to put up with him.
He's not what I'd call attractive: physically, emotionally, or mentally. He's been in one relationship, when he was in high school. His parents broke it off, because they disapproved of the girl. He doesn't go out except school and work. He has an associate's degree, and is going for his bachelor's. He plays a somewhat addictive online computer game about twelve hours a day, at least.
He's like many other guys I know. Guys who think they're nice, that they have a lot to offer in a relationship.
The fact that he doesn't get up off his lazy ass and go out and do something to meet people and maybe, just maybe, make friends doesn't mean he shouldn't have a girlfriend right now. No, it just means that I have to find a girlfriend for him. Because I have a life, friends in and out of relationships, and a wide circle of nice guys just like him who want me to do all that messy "talking to people" crap for them. Never mind that I can't find him a girl. I certainly can't date her for him. (I could date the girl myself, but that's an entirely different issue.)
I've told him time and time again that I cannot, will not, and am not physically able to find a girl suitable for him. With his priorities as they are-- computer game above all else-- he can't get a date on his own. He's tried online dating services. He even wanted me to write his profile for him, so he can get the right kind of girl (read: one who will just move in here and watch him play the game)
He says he's a nice guy. (Of course) He's not a nice guy. Nice guys don't sit at home waiting for a supermodel to walk through their door, up to the computer, and wait for you to reach a good point to stop the game. He and I both know this isn't going to happen. The supermodel sure as hell knows it too.
He's finally taken the hint-- I hope-- but I know many others like him. Idiots who don't want to have to deal with other people and their feelings and wants and needs. Guys and girls who think I or someone else can solve everything in their life because they envy me, or the other person.
I have a boyfriend. Oohh. Wow. I met him at school. How hard is it to say hi to the geeky girl sitting next to you in the computer lab? Why turn to roommates for help when you're demonstrating just by that simple request that you can talk to the opposite sex?
Date: Sat, 29 Nov 2003
Subject: nice guys
From: anonymous <firstname.lastname@example.org>
The Nice Guys section's cool. I just want to offer a glimmer of hope to the whining nice guys out there: your condition is a symptom, not a permanent condition. I was, and to some extent still am, a "nice guy," but it's because I'm needy and lack a sense of self. I used to be shy, then mean, then I learned that being nice got me the best emotional feedback, and like an addict, I kept turning to "niceness" when I was feeling down.
Repeat: "when I was feeling down." I got into a long period of depression, and got some deep insights into myself. As I got bummed out, my self-esteem took a vacation, I got needy and narcissistic, and started turning away people who had their shit together. Then, I started getting attracted to women who were like me. Life would have been great if I were a good looking guy with low self-esteem, or an abusive jerk with low self-esteem, because women with low self-esteem just LOVE these guys. They also like needy nice guys, but not for sex. (But, look hard enough, and try hard enough, and you will get laid.
As much as I griped about not getting laid, I did, and more than a lot of guys.) I was a walking pity party, carrying anger inside me. It's lame.
I'm average looking and a little ugly, short, and 40 pounds overweight. I'm not working, and not rich. I'm not even white or black, the two most popular colors for men. I even have some addictions and mild obsessive-personality issues.
My only advice to the whining nice guys is: don't buy into the bullshit about how you have to get your confidence from learning manipulative tricks. Just do everything you can to get your shit together, in life in general, and get on the path of improvement, and your behavior will change. It's more important that you're trying, and improving, than it is to be totally together. (Same goes for all the whiney women complaining about jerky boyfriends. Improve yourself or nothing will change.)
I'm signing this as "anonymous" because some of what I wrote is really unflattering, and I lack the guts to put it out there with my name on it. This is mostly private stuff I share with friends, not something I want to make public about myself. Still, I know there are guys out there who aren't going to get this advice from anyone, because they don't know enough of the right people intimately enough, so, I'm submitting it in the hopes you publish it.
Date: Mon, 27 Oct 2003
Subject: response "nice guys"
This is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever read in my entire life! None of this crap about "Nice Guys" is true. I don't do nice things hoping to get something in return that's stupid!
Okay so I'm totally just kidding! This site is awesome and hopefully will help me recover from being one of those "Nice guy" losers.
As for the other "Nice Guys" out there…wake up and get a fucking clue please! These ladies are absolutely right! Read the whole section on nice guys then read all nine pages of post and you will eventually agree 100% with most if not all of what they have said. If not then have fun being single the rest of your life.
As for me I was planning to quit school and basically give up on all future goals because I saw no hope in a future with the one girl that "I truly love". What a fucking moron I am. I'm 100% selfish in all my motives even when we were dating. I just needed a kick in the ass and someone to help me realize that everything I did was not too be genuinely nice but so that I could get a "pat on the back". Then I blamed the girl for "not treating me right" when all I did was set myself up. Well hopefully I'm on the road to helping myself recover now.
Guys it's kind of like how people describe Christianity. You don't realize your need for God till you hit the lowest point in your life where you have no where else to go. In the same way you'll never realize that it's you that keeps choosing the users and you that keeps giving selfish gifts and fake love unless you take your head out of your ass stop whining saying whoa is me I wasn't treated right and say hey I need help. I need to do something about this and quit relying on other people to fix my fucking problems for me.
Time to get back to class make a life for myself and be a "REAL NICE GUY" even if that means stopping the nice things I do just so I don't do them with selfish motives, until I can learn to do things without expecting something in return.