The latest comments from and about Nice Guys...
Date: Sat, 30 Oct 2004 18:46:23 EDT
Subject: Nice Guys Finish Last
Hi, this is a comment to your "Nice Guys Finish Last" story.
The same goes for girls/women too. It should be called "Nice Guys/Girls
Finish Last." At an early age, girls start interacting with boys and when girls get
rejected cause they thought they were the sweetest, nicest person in the
world to this guy, but it ends up the guy couldn't give a shit. So this is this is
the point in time, when that girl becomes a heartless bitch, coming up with
bullshit excuses like this to justify using guys and concluding that it's this
"nice guy's" fault for being who he is. Girls/women are the same way, even if
it's not all the time. They may be bitches to most people, but they will go
out of their way to please a small group of other guys, in hopes that they will
go for them. It's quite pathetic. Girls think they're bad ass, but they're
just nice girls putting up a front.
Heartless-Bastard Nice Guy
Date: Mon, 1 Nov 2004 14:17 -0500
Subject: Male Flame form : Chris
COMMENTS: Augh why do women pull out the trump card "you are harrassing me/stalking me/scaring me". A women owes me $1300, I know I was a stupid nice guy that let her manipulate me. I sent her 3 emails over 3 months asking for the money and my computer back (no phone calls or anything), that is not harrasment that I can see, but she is trying to build a case against me, and 2 attorneys I consulted told me to write off the money, she will lie and say anything.
Also her insane ranting, that i only gave her money for sex, and the swearing and name calling, etc. what a nut.
God forbid she take responsiblity for herself. I guess that is the "get out of jail free" card, fucking child.
I am a recovering nice guy, and agree with everything you write in the nice guys section. I just wish I woke up before it cost me money and some property of mine.
Date: Mon, 1 Nov 2004 23:05:27 -0500
From: David Magnus
Subject: Nice Guy! BLEAH!
Very informative article you wrote. I must say your wit and rhetoric
are very intimidating. But also I must say you are right about the
typical "nice guys" I know several of them, always complaining, and
back in highschool I used to be one. I still consider myself a nice
guy, just not a "nice guy". I like to help people, listen to their
problems, regardless of being guy or girl. And I never ask for
anything in return. In fact, when people offer something in return, or
praise my eagerness to help, I feel awkward, because to me it's not
that big of a deal, it's just the way I am, the way I've always been,
ever since before I can remember. As a toddler small child my mom told
me how whenever I would hear a child cry, I would start crying, too.
And there were several more instances. I admit, sometimes I am very
prone to allowing people to abuse my niceness, especially when money
is concerned. But it doesn't bother me much. I feel sorry for the
people who feel the need to take advantage of other people's good
intentions. Their inner struggles (or eventual inner struggles) are
something that I hope to never deal with. However, there is one part
of the "nice guy" that I do fall into. Having feelings for a girl and
not enough spine to tell her. However, we were just friends before. I
found her aesthetically pleasing, and a fun girl to talk to. We got
along really well and other than just the physical attraction I had
towards her, I considered her as a friend and nothing more, though
mainly I think because I was in the middle of another relationship.
But when that ended, and I got closer to this girl, and allowed myself
to really understand her personality... I fell for her. But the thing
is, we're so close as friends, that I fear if I admit my feelings it
would ruin or atleast to change the nearly perfect friendship we
currently have. A large part of me doesn't even want to get intimate
with her just because I would like to be good friends with this girl
for the rest of my life. And the fact that she admits that she makes
bad choices in men (seriously, she's the smartest girl I've ever known
in every other aspect, EXCEPT men) she has been dating a guy off and
on for about the past two or three years. I knew him before I knew
her. We never got along, and we were coworkers. I was the nice guy,
and he was your stereotypical "Self-proclaimed God's gift to women"
type of guy who is about as deep as a wading pool and who only talks
about his fast and furious car and what mods he wants to do to it.
This girl admits she doesn't even know why she likes him, he treats
her like crap on his shoe. So what's the deal? do some women just make
horrible decisions with dating men because it's all they know? What's
the deal. I'm not wondering why or complaining that she's not with me.
She's not the end all be all of women in my life. But it confuses me
when very smart and attractive women seem to not give nice guys a
chance because the only ones they give a chance to are assholes. I
think that some nice guys are confused for the stereotypical "nice
guy"s with hidden agendas and so they're never given a chance.
Date: Tue, 02 Nov 2004 08:07:45 -0500
To: David Magnus
Subject: Re: Nice Guy! BLEAH!
Some women just have problems. It's not that ALL women are like that. But some women have past hurts and they really don't think they deserve to have someone who treats them well, REGARDLESS of how smart they are. The problem is that many "nice guys" have a strong streak of "rescuer syndrome" so they are attracted to women who are damaged, or seem to be in need of rescuing.
The reason that women are sometimes attracted to assholes is that they actually exhibit symptoms of having a SPINE. Not that they are decent guys or anything, but a guy who has what looks like courage and self-confidence, well, that is an attractor. You don't have to be an asshole, you just have to exhibit courage. The courage to take a chance on things like getting hurt. The courage to say, "I'd like to have something more with you", and risk getting hurt. The courage to *initiate* the conversation and talk about options. But you have to do that with enough confidence to know that you can handle the answer whatever way it goes. The confidence and conviction to let her know you can continue to be friends, and not do the pining thing if she says "no thanks, I like things as they are."
There is always the risk that a friendship might not survive a romantic relationship ending, but I know of many that have. If they are the right kind of person to have as a friend, if YOU are the right kind of person to truly be a friend, the friendship will ultimately continue even if the relationship doesn't survive.
Sydney J. Harris said, "Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable."
Subject: Thank you!
Date: Fri, 05 Nov 2004 04:24:10 +0000
I have this one 'friend' on livejournal and he is OBVIOUSLY hung up on the whole 'nice guy' thing. He tried to court me once, way back in 9th grade, and I always figured he had a hard time with girls because he felt it appropriate to come up behind his potential mates after knowing them for just a day and engaging them in giant uncomfortable bear hugs. But obviously it's just because us ladies loooove to be treated like shit. Thanks for helping me realize that!
(But really, thanks for helping me find the words to describe why this guy is a total douchebag.)
Date: Wed, 17 Nov 2004 09:05:00 -0500
At 06:22 AM 11/17/2004 -0500, you wrote:
To: Paul Ogilvie
Subject: Re: hurt
We are 2 nice guys and while we were surfing the
internet we found the site HBI. We were discussing the
effect of feminism, the liberal western society,
narcism and the media on the volatility of women in
relationships. We concluded that westernised women
have the tendency to sleep around and cheat on their
boyfriends. This has a destructive effect on family
values in the western society and as a result on
western society as a whole. The irony of the situation
is that what women think would make them happy
actually causes their unhappiness: the concept of the
power girl who is in charge of her own succesfull
career, has power over men and has the power to
choose whichever guy she likes for a night is actually
missing something: raising a family, caring for her
husband and the shelter and protection we men can
provide. We of course don't mean that women cannot
have a career of their own.
We found it sort of offending how nice guys were
negatively judged on the HBI site. Also the
insinuations that computergeeks cannot be attractive
to women deeply hurt our feelings.
Paul mc Namara and Paul de Groot
Subject: just saying hi
Date: Sat, 18 Dec 2004 15:02:40 -0500
I just wanted to say that I was (am?) one of those
guys who considered himself a "nice guy" to some extent. I was talking to a
friend about uterine orgasm's and I did some research on it, she said they
are the big ones so I thought I should know more about this, seemed in my best
interest. In my searching I stumbled across your site, read a few articles here
and there untill I hit my jackpot, the nice guy syndrome stuff. Wow, hit
the nail on the head. I just wanted to say that you guys seem kickass, your site
seems kickass, and I hope you keep it up.
From: "Bryan Sheraton"
Subject: The Upward Spiral
Date: Thu, 13 Jan 2005 09:17:36 +0000
Thank you thank you THANK YOU! After just a few hours of perusing your site,
i already feel my whole outlook on relationships changing. I've been pissing
and moaning for a month now about a girl who no longer wants me, and of
course it was partly her fault that our relationship went to shit, but i see
now so many things that i have done wrong as well. Ive been your classic
"nice guy" as well as emotionally manipulative at times. I already knew that
sometimes i was doing wrong, but seeing it put into words and confirmed by
others really illustrated these points for me. Maybe there is hope for me
yet. Keep on writing, and i'll keep on reading. I'm finding this enormously
beneficial. Now if we could only get some more WOMEN (like my ex) to learn
some of this stuff, maybe there's hope for love, too. Perhaps you would let
me contribute? My advice is this : Love God!!! Once you get that right,
learning to love yourself will come naturally. And that's the greatest love
of all.(At least, that's what the lady on the radio said.) Oh yeah, and stop
bitching and moaning about the other person, they probably dont even talk to
you anymore, much less offer you an opportunity to CHANGE them. Change
yourself. Grow. Ferret out your flaws and work on them. I'll bet we ALL, men
and women alike, are guilty of some of the *numerous*:) offenses listed on
these pages. Things will spiral upwards for all of us when we embrace these
Subject: former so called "nice guy" saying thanks
Date: Fri, 14 Jan 2005 17:39:50 +0000
Hi, fuck me you are heartless bitches, and at first I did think you were a
bunch of bitter dykes. I have recently been falling into the “nice guy
syndrome,” and women have been repelled by this, and something needed to be
After reading a few of you’re articles I can honestly say that my problems
are solved, no more whining or excessive worshiping of women. You could say
that I got a grip! I haven’t turned into a jerk, but instead developed a
life and a bit of spunk, other than a drip trying to fall in love by begging
to every woman’s needs.
To heartless bitches I am thankful; I never thought that I would be in a
situation where I could say such a thing. To all you so called “nice guys”
out there I advise you do the same, it’s not that hard, and women may
actually start showing some interest in you!
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