The latest comments from and about Nice Guys...
Date: Mon, 17 Jan 2005 23:31:14 -0600 (CST)
Subject: Right on
You know, it's a shame that a lot of the people who are writting you angry
emails have either missed the point, or aren't introspective enough to see
themselves in some of your articles. Furthermore, it'd be nice if some of
the angry so called "nice guys" could see that what they're going through
isn't just limited to men.
Your story about the guy who grew a spine could easily have been a story
about my life. And I'm a woman. And I'll be the first to say that when I
was whining and wondering why nobody appreciated my niceness what I was
really saying was "why won't someone give into my passive agresiveness and
also couldn't you all please validate me?".
It's not that underneath it all I wasn't nice. It's just that when you
have no confidence, whether it's concious or not, you end up playing a lot
of emotional games with people, and THAT, I think is part of the turn off
for women and other human beings, when dealing with the so called "nice
When you start liking yourself, and taking responsibility for your own
happiness then you no longer need other people to help create your
personality or your life. You don't need their approval to validate your
existance, and then you're free to be truely "nice". Because you no longer
need or expect anything in return for your actions. Coincidentaly once you
are no longer are needy, it seems like it's a lot easier to find people
willing to date you, because lo and behold, you have a personality, and
are actually interesting.
Thanks for putting together such an interesting website. I've been
enjoying reading through all the articles and comments.
Date: Tue, 25 Jan 2005 22:26:28 EST
Subject: A simple compliment.
HBI is one of the most refreshing--and blatantly honest--stances on both
gender roles and all-too-common personality traits that I've ever
And, in retrospect, I'm fairly certain that I learned a
thing or two from reading the Nice Guy collection and ended up a more
confident (daresay, maybe even better?) man for
From: "Akechi Kaitou" email@example.com
Subject: Loved your Nice Guys article ^^
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2005 01:56:47 +0000
I used to be a Nice Guy myself, and Goddamn did you explain it perfectly. I
totally agree think you're sexy.
From: "Allen Johnston"
Subject: Nice Guy Response
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2005 03:44:28 -0600
I hope you are fair and also post this response to your "nice guy" articles.
Sorry, but I'm not going to espouse a point of view that is so extreem
that it will be easy to poke fun at or to claim that I've totally agreed
The thing is, the reason there are so many nice guys lately is because of
They bitch and moan all the time about needing a sensitive
guy that is in touch with his feelings and all that and these guys are only
trying to do the right thing. Yes, they are insecure... but only because
they aren't strong enough to avoid the guilt placed on them by the women in
our culture for simply being a man with manly desires and urges.
nice guys have problems, but it's only because they are getting confusing
signals from women. And women really do complain about a lot of shit...
THEY are just as manipulative collectively as any man they've accused of.
You got it right on about the nice guy syndrome, but you are being overly
harsh considering the fact that it's your collective fault and you are also
suffering because of it.
But, hey, you got a gimick here, but it's still
based on a kind of game, pretending like it's not your own doing... changing
the rules as you go along just to see men blindly follow your instructions
like a dumb dog.
Men, just be yourself. It has nothing to do with being civilized. You
can't change 10 million years of evolution.
Love and caring will come when it's time.
Don't apologize for being a man. God made you that way. There
is a happy medium that needs to be found. Just don't go to the other
extreem and be an asshole. Don't try and figure women out too much. They
are riddles that arne't made to be solved, just enjoyed and chucked at from
time to time. Just be comfortable in your own skin. It's OK to lust after
a woman and do it openly in your own way.
There will be a woman out there
that will like your style, or lack of style.
Date: Sat, 5 Feb 2005 04:15:15 EST
Subject: Thank You
My name is Alex, and an hour ago, I considered myself a nice guy.
I was feeling sorry for myself and was looking for a site for other "nice guys"
who I could bitch and moan about pretty much about how nice we are and
how bitchy girls are for not liking us ( AKA I lacked testicles when
it came to girls and wanted to talk with other guys with the same
affliction). I then stumbled upon your rants about "nice guys". My immediate
reaction when I saw the title was to get my boxers in a twist and I was ready to
send you a spiteful, emotional, whiny little bitch email about how its not my
fault that women don't like nice guys. Then I read the article. I'm pretty sure
a 2x4 to the head would have also knocked the message into me just as well, but
the article saved me a lot of bruises. It called my bullshit to the letter. I am
the guy that let my girl friends always go to to complain about their
problems, and I felt that because I was nice to them, they owed me more
than just friendship. Like the article said, I wasn't really a nice guy, I
was just a guy using a very unsuccessful method of getting laid. My girl
friends always told me that I was such a nice guy, so I told myself that it was
someone else's fault that I didn't have a girlfriend. I would like to thank you
for the blinding flash of truth tonight. I now know that I just need to grow
some cajones and I'll be doing much better in terms of getting a girlfriend. I
never thought a website called "Heartless Bitches International" would have
helped me in my love life, but then again, I did also think being a "nice guy"
could get me some action. Thank you.
Subject: re: nice guys section
Date: Fri, 18 Feb 2005 12:00:11 -0500
As I read over your "nice guys" section, I though "Every guy who
professes to be a nice guy should be forced to read this." My opinion
is formed because even more than most women, I am sick of hearing guys
complain that they are so nice, but eternally screwed. It has nothing
to do with being a nice guy, it has everything to do with a total lack
of confidence and self respect.
I can't blame a sane woman for not wanting to date such a guy. When it
comes to who I date, the woman must be a confident and competent
individual. I can't stand the
whatever-you-say-or-want-to-do-is-fine-with-me woman. God that's
annoying. Relenting every so often and compromising is a good thing.
But being an outright doormat is not attractive. Guys that like those
kinds of women, I have found, have severe confidence issues of their
I have some friends that subscribe to the screwed nice guy line of
thinking. I'm sick of hearing "Women don't know what they want." Yes
they do. They want someone they can respect. They're really not much
different than men. My one "nice guy" friend went a year holding a
secret and one-sided love affair with an oblivious and quite nice
young lady. When we were all out together, it seemed fairly obvious to
me that she liked him. And even though I made these points to him,
because he lacks any semblance of confidence, he never asked her out.
And when she recently turned up with a boyfriend, my friend was
pissed. I had nothing else to tell him other than it was his own
fault. To his credit, he eventually had to agree.
I've also found that nice guys view women as unattainable prizes. The
one thing I have learned is if you treat the like people, they tend to
respond in kind. Of course, on both sides of the dating battle, you're
sure to approach a guy/gal with a serious superiority complex who will
question why you even breath the same air. Guess what? That's exactly
who you don't want to waste any of your relatively few minutes on
Then there is the whole other classification of nice guy who is
completely lost on what the problem is. You know this guy. He's 32 and
still spends his Saturday night playing D&D online in his mother's
basement. This guy is a lost cause, and probably isn't even really a
"nice guy." He uses it as an excuse to explain his shortcomings such
as not showering, not showing any concern for his appearance, being
completely uninteresting (ie. talks about cars and only about cars.
Can substitute computers, video games, sports, himself, work, etc for
cars) and not showing any kind of appropriate respect for anyone. This
guy is frightening because he really thinks he's a catch. He may even
be physically attractive, but (like I say about so many women I meet)
when he opens his mouth he becomes progressively uglier.
Now, I am not saying I am perfect or some sort of "stud." I'm not. But
I even surprise myself at times at the types of women I have scored
second dates with. Way out of my league. So, if I may, some advice to
men that I hope you will pass along on your forum:
- Become interesting. Read, please. And not just SI or Car & Driver.
Read a little bit on many topics. Be able to intelligently chime in on
a number of conversations. Women like smart guys.
- keep your body in decent shape. You don't have to be a bodybuilder,
but being 50 pounds overweight is disgusting.
-be slightly self-denigrating, but not self-loathing. It's attractive
to show some humility, it is not attractive to bitch and moan about
how horrible your life is.
-dominate the conversation. She's there for a reason. This isn't an
-talk about past relationships, even if she asks, on the first few
dates. Change the subject if she asks or be as vague as possible.
- fawn all over her on the first date. Being complimentary of her
dress or appearance once - JUST ONCE - is a good thing. Telling her
over and over how beautiful she is, well, that's plain annoying.
- insist on spending every waking moment with her. It's just creepy.
- portray yourself as emotionally needy.
- portray yourself as superior
Date: Thu, 3 Mar 2005 07:29 -0500
Subject: Male Flame form : Tom Cooper
Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by
(firstname.lastname@example.org) on Thursday, March 3, 2005 at 07:29:39
Name: Tom Cooper
COMMENTS: I haven't had a girlfriend for about 5 years and your site is really not helping. The more bitches you recruit, the less women there are out there to give me a chance. I am currently working my way through your archives and will be sending a more detailed rebuttal of your bullshit philosophy when I'm done.
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