The latest comments from and about Nice Guys...
Subject: Makes me want to puke
Date: 24 Apr 2006
(or "Nice Guys" We Can Live Without...): Manipulative guys who are
attracted to a woman who has certain qualities they don't have, and then
spend all their effort trying to undermine those qualities and destroy
For instance, my (promptly ex-) boyfriend who commented on the fact that I
had confidence in myself and spoke my mind honestly, then started saying it
wasn't really fair to expect him to be assertive or say his honest opinion
because it "wasn't really him", and then a couple of months later came out
with "oh, you can tell you've been to a private school, you have that
confidence that they teach there. My friend Mark went to private school and
they showed him how to act confident, it's not really part of his
personality at all". (Apart from the obvious stupidity of this, when you
know the truth about some serious shit that went on for me at home during
my school years, and when you know what my experience of school was like as
a result, this statement would be almost laugh-out-loud funny if it wasn't
a bit sick. But of course he wouldn't listen when I tried to explain).
No sweetheart, it's EARNED. It comes from learning to stand up to people
who are intimidating you, and from refusing to play along with manipulative
bullshit - something which little compliant, cowardly, jealous,
desperate-to-please you would apparently never dream of doing in a thousand
years. You've spent 27 years living with Mummy and Daddy while I've been
out in the world taking care of myself, but that couldn't possibly be the
reason I have a personality of my own and you don't, could it? Noooo, it
must be your school's fault...
(who is still blind-sided, gutted and shaken up over this and other
spiteful underhandedness, and grateful for your article on emotional
abusers which brought some much-needed sanity back into my life)
Date: Sun, 30 Apr 2006
From: "- -"
Subject: What makes me puke?
Your website makes me puke. That is, HBI. I came by it incidentally,
referred by wikipedia
Simple. It's a pit of misandry. The articles in question I was
searching for were about on the so-called "nice guy". What I found was
page after page of ridicule and women revelling in it. Scorn and bile
drip off the page. I hate to use an old and overuse cliche, but... it
is so appropriate.
The colours of the page are interesting, seemingly
infected by the words. Mouldy, olive greens and dark,
headache-inducing red. So it is functionally pukeworthy also.
The nice guy is somewhat of a myth. I won't dispute the type exists
without a reason. However, it is a myth that the nice guy is a loser
and unattractive to women. The "nice guy" is used as a catch-all
phrase for any good man who fails.
Catch-alls are a shoddy excuse for
basing an attack on. I know many nice guys with loving partners and
deep, meaningful relationships.
I know other women who are lonely and
used, whose experiences with men are shallow. We hear about the women
who are clingy and needy, who need a big guy to feel secure, who need
them to feel popular.
And that is what is sad. Some men who are "nice" only because they are
inexperienced, or not confident. And that is it. They might require
provoking, or the pursuit of a strong woman. They can be the perfect
one for a woman pressured to believe in the catch-all phrase and
stereotype of the "nice guy", to believe she should shun them at all
The point here is... the nice guy is a phantom, a misnomer, a
catch-all phrase for everything wrong or undesirable about men.
My advice is to look in the mirror. Women and men who dedicate so much
time to the topic, overwhelmingly blame the nice guy.
Well, that's a cop out. The fault is equal.
Looking again at the catch-all, where a
"nice guy" becomes the loser and all round failure, there is no
evidence that nice guys are not danger-seeking, nor financially
That is a flat out misconception right there.
I really feel sorry for girls like that. I feel sorry for the guys too. And
yes, nice guys can be well-endowed and great kissers. Bad guys can
have small penises and be terrible lovers.
Women are cutting themselves short by pursuing a single type of guy.
Date: Wed, 3 May 2006
Subject: Male Flame form : Descartes
COMMENTS: I think you're all sexy assertive women. But, I think you've
all been a bit hurt in the past by yes, men. Why else would you use the
excuse to rant at men as a motivation for a website?
If you're stupid
enough to let NICE guys manipulate you then that's your problem not
theirs isn't it? Women manipulate men as well, and by saying nice guys
can do this perhaps you're doing a disservice to many women out there
who should stand by their choices. I've been seduced before by women I
shouldn't have been - it's an art and it's called persuasion.
You haven't really distinguished between the 2.
And girls objectify men just
as much as the other way around; look at the stats - couples are usually
matched in levels of attractiveness.
I found the crusade against nice
guys amusing but I wonder what the REAL motivation is girls?
Been hurt too many times by himbos have we?
and now you've picked the easiest target of the opposite sex. Granted, it was funny but totally
MyOtherName: a genius
Date: Thu, 4 May 2006
Subject: Male Flame form : Yvan
COMMENTS: Hey gals! Cool site. Found it very entertaining, although you scare me a little. Please be gentle.
Anyway, really enjoy your site. Quite entertaining. Weird concept. Great time waster for insomniacs like me. So I figure I'd put my own two cents in the debate, for what it's worth ($0.02!)
So I'm just going to put on my full body armour and prepare for the
worse. Go ahead, I won't cry.
I can kind of sympathize with the Nice
Guy and his affliction. I was once kind of there myself nad it's a
twisted little world. Maybe I can bring some insight into it, in the
hope one of these poor souls might see the light. At the same time,
it'll be therapeutic for me.
Here's how it works, for the most part:
insecure guy with little self-esteem gets this idea that if only this
one girl could be his (Yep, just like a sofa or T.V. can be yours) it
will make him whole and worthy again and all will be good with the
world. So he fosters all his attention on an unsuspecting girl who's
being nice to him because she happens to be a nice person. At first, she
might have some genuine interest in him, but he's so grabby and clingy
she quickly runs away, leaving him broken-hearted and wondering (ALL
TOGETHER): Why do nice guys never get the girl?
Well, for one thing, guys - and get this in your head - you're not in
love with that girl. You're in love with the idea of being in love.
You're also horny and lonely. There's nothing wrong with being horny and
lonely, happens to the best of us. It becomes a problem when you don't
face the issue head-on and won't even admit it to yourself - much less
another person. You see, you can't possibly be in love with someone
you're not at least trying to communicate openly with and there is no
such thing as love at first sight (Lust at first sight, yes). Love takes
time and communication. It is to be grown and nurtured like a garden.
The garden will only grow in an nourishing athmosphere and will
suffocate in the absence of absolute mutual freedom. In other words it
cannot be rushed, nor forced. Nor can you predict with certainty if it
will flourish. It is always a gamble. So grabbing on to a girl and
saying: OH! Love me ! Love me ! We must fall in love! is terribly
misguided (and creepy - it will nip your garden in the bud)
last thing - and this can't be stressed enough - looking for a
girlfriend is not a full-time occupation. First, it will get you in a
horribly self-defeating cycle and second, if having a girlfriend is all
you ever think about, what on earth will you possibly talk about when
you finally do get a woman to sit down with you for an hour? The
Get a hobby. Exercise. HAVE A JOB. Get involve in stuff. Study a
subject. Repair computers. Play an instrument. Read books. Whatever.
Don't just sit around waiting for HER to magically appear and save you
from your inner emptiness. Acquire substance.
Now, I know some of you guys are thinking: Oh, I get it... I'll get a
hobby and make myself interesting and THEN, I'll get the girl, because
I'll be in something. I wonder what girls are into these days?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... Pursue something you are genuinely
interested in. For yourself. In order to grow as a human being. Don't go
around studying the Victoria Secrets catalogue figuring you can talk
about that. She'll think you're gay. (Not that there's anything wrong
with that... But that's not what you're trying to, here). You need to do
something that will make you feel better about yourself and that will
give you substance. And then, you'll realize you don't actually NEED
another person to define you. Strangely enough, that's the only way you
will reach a path to love. By rejecting its necessity. You may actually
never fall in love in your life, maybe it's just not your destiny, but
at least you'll be a whole person and you'll stop walking around beating
And just one more thing: Please, please, please, for Heaven's sake,
drugs and alcohol are neither an occupation nor a hobby. In fact, they
will make you considerably less attractive. And the people you will
attract are usually people you wouldn't want in your life. (I'm not
talking about smoking a doob now and then and enjoying scotch - but
don't ever make these things an occupation
Peace out. Cheers. Thanks
for listening to my rant. God bless you all.
Date: Thu, 04 May 2006
From: "dex Otaku"
Subject: another mail from a male [thanking you, in fact]
Your site is the perfect reminder to me, until I successfully address
some of my majour issues at least, of why one of my requirements for
living is to remain single and chaste.
I've been surfing the articles/columns for about an hour now, and I can
say with complete confidence that your site is now among my main places
to go for a reality check when I'm feeling sorry for myself for my past
history of terrible relationships, and, well, blah blah blah [seems the
best way to sum all that up, somehow].
Anyway. Keep up the excellent work! And thank you.
Now if only long-term abstinence didn't affect prostate health.