And Still more comments from and about Nice Guys...
... and in the "Some people just can't READ for content" department (otherwise known as the "I see dead people" department):
Date: Thu, 27 Feb 2003
Subject: You're so wrong
I'd like to think I'm a 'nice guy' but I think you're really bitter and
twisted if you really believe that you have to be a complete bastard to
get anywhere in life!
[Uhh... where did we say that?]
All you're doing is glorifying the nasty people of the world - who don't
need or deserve any help!
[Telling people to get their shit together and stop blaming others is "glorifying nasty people"? Wow. some funny colored glasses THAT guy has on...]
I also think you've got it very wrong as I've always been a caring,
giving type of bloke (the type you'd see as a jerk)
[Shall we try ONE MORE TIME for the audience? When we are referring to "Nice Guys" in this section,
we aren't referring to genuinely "caring, giving" people - we are referring to
whining, snivelling types who constantly complain that ALL women only want assholes, elevate
themselves to some martyr status and call it "Nice Guy" and proceed to blame all their relationship problems on
women. There. Do you GET IT YET? Didn't think so. Twit.]
and although I don't
get floods of women falling all over me - when I do have a relationship,
it's fantastic - and I know lots of really decent ladies who think the
same as me - I would rather meet one person with some decency in her
soul than 100 shallow ones who see things like you do.
[What about 100 DEEP ones who know how to read? Oh, that's right, THEY wouldn't
be caught dead with you because you are too THICK to see past your own issues.]
True, there are some painfully insecure men out there
[... but *you're* not one of them, right? Suuuuuure.]
and women for that
matter, but your web labels anyone with any decency or vulnerability as
a hapless loser
[Funny how many hapless losers see themselves pantsed in the "Nice Guys" section...]
- and this is just not factual. Some women actually find
vulnerability a turn on, some don't - same for men.
So have some advice from me now, as a rule of thumb, don't generalise
about people, don't condemn differences that you see as weaknesses in
people - you might actually start to see things a little clearer and
glean a little dignity in your own sad world.
[I find it amusing how so many self-righteous jerks label themselves as "Nice Guys"... Well I have some advice for YOU:
Some get it. Some don't. A case in point:
Date: Thu, 27 Feb 2003
Subject: Just a thought
Hello there, "nice girls " LOL.
[wow. Rapier wit here.]
Few questions. Are you a clinically trained psycologist?
Is it possible that maybe YOU were rejected by a " nice guy " at one
time, and maybe thats why you have such a vendetta against them?
[No, but it IS possible that *I* punted a couple of them for being
smothering, overbearing, blaming and incapable of self-awareness.]
I mean why would a nice guy wanna waste his time with a bitter hypocrite like
yourself? Some one who would actually waste they're time and energy
setting up a web page like this, is the one who needs to get a life! Hey
dont take my advice, go find yourself a jerk and be happy. Or do
something constructive with you're time. How a about a website that puts
down jerks and assholes. Theres an idea! MY advice to YOU, LIVE AND LET
[here we go again with the "advice"... What is it with these guys?]
Date: Thu, 27 Feb 2003
From: Zach Simpson <email@example.com>
Subject: random comment
Hey, I just have a random comment here... I read "Nice guys we can do
without" and a lot of it is true, touching on the insecurity issues. I
am a self-proclaimed nice guy, though I would definitely not consider
myself insecure. I can thankfully say nothing in that article applied to
me. I wanted to share an experience I had that doesn't really go towards
one side or the other, I just thought it was interesting to note and
might make some people think.
A few girls I've talked to on this subject told me something about nice
guys. I asked them about their type/preference of guys, on separate
occasions, and these few girls said they would never date a nice guy. I
asked why, and one of them replied with "I don't know, I just like a
feeling of adventure and excitement.. nice guys are just TOO nice." Now
of course this is the girl's personal preference and doesn't reflect
every girl's opinion, but the main thing that pisses me off is that she
wouldn't even attempt it. Again, I know not all girls are like this, and
these few make their own decisions, but I just wanted to share that
experience because looking through the comments section I never saw
anything like this. I figured you'd find it interesting if anything that
some girls actually openly admit to not liking nice guys in general -
not nice guys they've encountered, not nice guys based on their attitude
or actions, but just any guy that happens to be nice. I asked this girl
if she ever dated a "nice guy" and of course she said no, and from what
I know of this person she doesn't have any childhood issues that make
her psychologically choose assholes.
[First, unless you are that girl's psychologist, you really can't comment
on whether or not she has childhood issues. If she's never dated someone
she deems as nice or decent or caring, then in all likelihood she DOES have
issues. Emotionally healthy people don't date assholes repeatedly.
Secondly, many whining snivelling types of "nice guys" are attracted to
THAT type of girl - in some cases, it's the only kind they notice.]
So I really don't know what it is, I just know that there are other guys
out there that have experienced this and these types of girls may be who
they're blaming. Although, a lot of those same guys might just be making
up the fact that girls completely bypass the option of dating a nice guy
to further justify their misery... in any case, I wanted to shed some
light on the possibility. Yes, some girls that these nice guys tend to
make up actually do exist, and won't even consider dating a nice guy. I
have encountered a few. But that's only a few... I don't think guys
should blame girls in general. If they do, that's just implying paranoia
[If that's the only kind of girl they notice, it soon becomes a world 'o blame - they
see ALL women as being that way rather than stopping and looking at themselves
and why they are attracted to fucked-up women.]
I can't say that these girls' preference for "adventure and excitement"
speaks for every girl, but I've heard that girls look for that kind of
thing in relationships because they tend to like challenges.
[Young people in general are experimenting. Young girls are caught up
in a lot of socialization around the whole "diamond in the rough" myth - and
how a girl is supposed to help a guy become a better man. If SHE is really insecure,
she will be measuring her self-worth based on that, or even worse, will figure
she doesn't DESERVE to be treated decently. If she doesn't outgrow
that by her mid-20's and is still going after assholes, then
she's not a safe one to be in a relationship.]
Can they not find this with nice guys? Are they generalizing? I'd like to hear
your opinion on why some girls (like these girls) wouldn't even consider
dating a nice guy when they don't base it off of anything like behavior
or appearance, other than the plain fact that they're just too nice for
them. You've covered a lot of good reasons on why girls wouldn't
consider dating nice guys who exhibit certain flaws, but none (that I
know of) that cover why a girl chooses to dislike actual niceness in
guys when it may not necessarily be from past history or something
[Pathologically choosing assholes over decent people is ALWAYS from past history or something
psychological. You just might not be able to see it.]
Thanks for reading my extensive amount of info that could've probably
been narrowed down to a few sentences...
JadeSyren (our Ruthless, Heartless BitchBouncer), Responds to yet another Nice Guy...
From: "lawrence" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: Nice guys etc.
Date: Mon, 6 Jan 2003
I think that maybe you're being too
militantly antagonistic against so called "nice guys".
I agree in principle with almost everything you've written.
However though women in theory may not prefer assholes I think in practice many do.
I don't think it's inherently part of a woman's nature.
I think our culture tends to glorify certain behaviors and stereotypes and, though women who think critically and progressively like yourself see through them, many are molded by the typical romance novel scenario
of the scoundral who is tamed by the affections of a singular woman.
Surely you can agree if a significant part of the population is swayed by this mythology
that there is some basis for the nice guy dillema?
I think too that perhaps many "nice guys" are attracted to emotionally unavailable women who are natural takers because they are natural givers.
Should they take responsibilty for their actions? Of course! But your antagonistic meanspirited attitude towards people who may in fact just be unfortunate enough to run into people who do take advantage of them is kind of sad.
Blaming the victim is never right.
I'm a good guy,
I've had good and bad relationships. Some women in my life have been emotional adrenaline addicts
bouncing from guy to guy seeking a "spark" and dumping them when the relationship becomes normal.
Yeah guys do this to.
I think that men are just more disappointed when it happens to them
because our culture tells them that women don't behave like that.
So why blame the nice guy when he's just been indoctrinated incorrectly?