Let's define some terms first. You may not agree with these
definitions, but I'm going to use them for this rant anyway.
Jerk: Someone who screws you, then unceremoniously dumps you
or, while feigning a relationship with you, screws around on you
behind your back.
Nice guy: Someone who wants to date you, then marry you. Would
never cheat on you. Optional: thinks you're just the greatest thing
that ever lived.
Nice girl: Someone who wants to be dated and married. Would
never cheat on her spouse. Optional: thinks her boyfriend/spouse
is just the best guy in the world.
OK. Why I don't date nice guys:
No, it's not because jerks are inherently more interesting. Usually
they're shallow twits.
No, it's not because I'm a masochist.
No, it's not because I have subconscious fears of a "real
It's because I'm really not a "nice girl". Now, you'd never take me for a
Sharon Stone ice-bitch type. I'm certainly capable of being polite and
generous to my friends and family, but:
I have a caustic, dark sense of humor completely lost on the
average nice guy. Some of the things I think could never be uttered
in such a guy's presence. Kinda indicates that my mind works in
different ways, no?
I've had a lot of different experiences based on what I felt like doing at
the time. Not all of those experiences are things that "nice girls" do.
I'm not ashamed of them and I wouldn't be the person I am today without
them. The "nice guys" I meet just haven't been where I've been. Either
they haven't lived that much, or they have hard- luck stories as a result
of their forays into unexplored territory. I'm not interested.
"Nice guys," when presented to you on a silver platter by a friend or
other well-meaning person, tend not to be very attractive. But hey,
they'll treat you right! Too bad. I won't date or bed a guy I don't find
attractive. And no, a guy doesn't have to be gorgeous for me to find him
attractive. He just has to have lived and have some sensuality about him.
The words "give him a chance," to me, are the beginning of suicide
of the soul. Men are never told to do that. I want what I want, just like
men have always had the right to do, and I will get it or remain celibate
I don't act like a "nice girl." I don't smile sweetly, keep the
conversation going, feign interest in boring topics, or do any of the
other things that the nice girls do. If someone's being a fool, I look at
him funny or I excuse myself to talk to someone more intelligent. As a
result of my forthrightness, men approach me and in many cases are
forthright about what they want from the outset. I can take it or leave
it; it's not intended as an insult. The "nice guys" stay with the sweet,
cheery girls, where it's safe. The not-so- nice ones, the curious, the
adventuresome, and the restless, look for something different. Sometimes
they find me.
In short: I like men who remind me of myself. They're complex,
difficult, unpredictable at times. It's hard to stay with them. And no,
they haven't been classic "jerks." It's just not that simple.
Can a woman find "true love" (what the hell is that) with anyone
other than a "nice guy?" I don't know what true love is, if anyone
thinks they know, clue us in, please. But she may have a damn
good time. No, it probably won't be a 50-year marriage with 5 kids
and 20 grandkids. It might not even last a month. But those brief
moments may be more fulfilling than years of purported domestic
bliss with a fenced-in yard and a fenced-in spouse.
"A man is likely to mind his own business
if it is worth minding." -- Eric Hoffer, The True Believer