Nice Guy on a soapbox
(Yet Another Guy's take on "Nice Guys")
Before I go on my little tirade, I think I should put a bit of background down. I am a guy. Throughout high school a large portion of college, I was trapped in the Nice Guy zone. I was always Ďjust a friendí, we had proms every year at school, never in my whole life did I get one that didnít do something to break my heart (though, to be honest, the first time, when my date had sex with two guys, neither of whom were me, and got suspended was traumatic enough that the other two didnít seem that bad).
I can hear some of you with violins right now.
I would argue that the Nice Guy phenomenon is dependent largely on the age group you discuss. Most of the complaints I have heard on it personally have been from high-school students, or those in very little contact with women. Most of those complaints evaporate when they reach college.
High school is a strange place, with cliques, rampant peer pressure, and a well defined social hierarchy that applies to both boys and girls (note I donít say men and women). Cheerleaders do not go with football players over nerds because of their stunning respect for women. They go with them because of peer pressure. A perfect couple in high school could very well never lay eyes on each other because the rules of high school declare that they are of different social classes. There are alpha males in high school, and the much coveted alpha females are probably not going to break rank for fear of social repercussions.
I want to apologize if Iím sounding like a ladder theorist right here. But, it is true in this instance. If you disagree with me, and you are in high school, I challenge you to date outside of your caste. The system is, I confess, skewed. Itís OK for a guy to date lower castes (to an extent) and itís OK for a girl to date higher castes.
I have been talking, up to this point about High School. My evidence for the female angle to the Nice Guy Phenomenon is as follows:
Once outside of the High School environment, the caste system evaporates. Complaints about ladder theory from my social circles vanish because, with more free thought encouraged, women (no longer girls) are free to choose based on their own criteria. As a result, many of the Nice Guys in High School started being able to get dates. Women talked to them without any fear of violating the strict social hierarchies of high school. A very good friend of mine who was a Nerd in high school was easily able to walk into a bar and get three phone numbers. Heís a funny guy.
I put my own story as further evidence. Do to strange circumstances, I was able to indulge in social mobility in High School. I started a European Martial Arts club (with swords, I never said I ceased to be a nerd), it gained a following, and I got the much coveted Alpha Male status. Girls were much more willing to talk to me, including my roommateís girlfriend (I had a crush on her for quite a while beforehand, but am proud to say I declined, my roommate was a good guy, and I didnít want anyone who would ditch me if someone more popular came along anyways).
I have never strayed from the Nice Guy mentality. I donít think any of my friends have either. I think that many guys who are Nice have other problems that keep them from getting women. Nice is just one aspect of a personality. I donít think being inoffensive is necessarily a bad thing. I think there needs to be a balance.
Iím married. I found this site because my wife is a very gleeful member and I know exactly who you are targeting when you speak out against Nice Guys. I donít know if itís open to men (taking you at your face value on equality, I would hope so), if you are, Iím sure I could crank out a rant that would make them lapse into asthmatic, pimply faced whimpers of rage in a heartbeat.