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Major Rant from a Pro Trainer

by

(Definitely a candidate for the HEARTLESS BITCH
TRAINER OF THE YEAR)

As a high profile professional personal trainer, who wrote and published a book, owns her own studio in NYC, has done the ESPN Crunch show ( I managed to keep my clothes on, and retain some dignity--You can't change the rules if you don't play the game), I'd like to unload some MAJOR BULLSHIT that people try to dump on us fitness pros-- hey, I know my industry is part of the problem, but, that's why I'm in it, trying to change it--- dizzy idiot by dizzy idiot. I am also told over and over that I'm too opinionated, too this, too that etc-- I simply refuse to be a victim, and am tired of the 'victim' capacity to make everything a 'handicap'. That said--- read on....

I AM OVER women/men WHO:

  • ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to acknowledge that NO MATTER WHAT you have to move your fat ass around more than you sit on it and eat FRESH food (that don't require labels!, surprise, it still exists) that's fitness in a nutshell assholes. There’s NO GODDAMNED SECRET.
  • Have no idea how their body functions and then wonder why they look, act, feel, like shit.
  • DON"T TAKE A SHIT FOR 3 DAYS and then seem proud of how they don't require basic human elimination like the rest of us mere mortals (That IS A BIG PROBLEM, you dumb ally-mcbeal-wanna-be)
  • Drink nothing but diet coke and wonder why they have headaches, no energy, nasty crusty skin, thin dull hair --Then, buy ultra expensive over the counter 'remedies' to correct the problem-- when all they really need is a good nights sleep, a couple of solid preservative -free meals, and a good night of sweaty fucking HEAR THIS- GARBAGE IN /GARBAGE OUT
  • Refuse to believe that EATING is the basis for energy --sorry, dipshit your tired-ass body is just like everyone else’s --you need to eat to survive.
  • Try to lose weight because then they'll be better than all their piss faced spoiled girlfriends-no, you won't --you'll still be the same obsessed, self-hating bitch in competition with other women for the same snot nosed -loser geeks, that will throw you over for someone younger, skinnier, and more obnoxious than you.
  • Tell me they aspire to a goal, then do everything humanly possible to not get it --THEN TRY TO BLAME THEIR FAILURE ON ME --like I see you 2x a week and I'm supposed to UNDO the past 20 years of your misguided, self-hating life?
  • Refuse to accept their OWN genetics. You won't look like me. There's only one. I'm it, and I'm in use right now, thank-you. No, I don't feel sorry for you. And no, my life isn't perfect because I have a nice body. I'm healthy. I'm strong. That's it. A basic requirement for doing my evolutionary duty on this planet. DUH.
  • Assume that because I've never been overweight that I can't relate to feeling out of control, insignificant and afraid --well, I GUESS MY FATHER BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF ME FOR 15 YEARS DOESN'T COUNT FOR MY DESIRE TO BE PHYSICALLY STRONG, CAPABLE AND INDEPENDENT-- yeah, not being able to wear a size 2 is MUCH MORE TRAUMATIC.....
  • Really believe that getting into "real shape" is 'fast, fun, and easy' --It's not. Not if you want to be more than a poser. "Fast, fun and easy' keeps you from keeling over from a heart attack- that's it, and honestly, that's FINE if that's all you're after --everyone doesn't have to be Michael Jordan. But, then don't COMPLAIN that you're not.
  • Want to LOOK like an athlete, but don't have HALF the determination, passion and dedication required to be one. ASSHOLES if you want to look like a dancer, THEN DANCE, if you want to look like swimmer, SWIM etc. Athletes look like they do because they DO THE THINGS REQUIRED TO BE GOOD AT THEIR SPORT. Here's another hint-- they do those things ALOT. WAY MORE THAN 2-3X PER WEEK. You'll look exactly like what you DO. MAKE A DECISION AND STICK WITH IT LONG ENOUGH TO PRODUCE A SKILL. Here’s another hint, stay with it EVEN IF THE TREND IS OVER.
  • Think "Spinning" is a sport. LOL!
  • Believe that 'performing enhancing drugs'make a winner out of a loser --you can't cheat skill, technique, and experience.
  • Have asked me 'what do you REALLY do? --like being a trainer is not real. Believe it or not, I change the world one dizzy idiot at a time, transforming them from silly, "I don't sweat" bimbos into strong "I can do 50 push-ups, 10 pull-ups, and-I-look-damn-good-with-muscles" type of chicks.
  • Think that their body is different from everyone else’s --sorry, IT'S NOT. You don't 'build very quickly', you DO sweat, and you do need 3 meals a day, at least if you're going to let your body FUNCTION NORMALLY.
  • Come to workout and start to set-up excuses for soon to come lack-luster, slow or bullshit application of things they were supposed to have practiced and/or learned by now.
  • Waste their money and my time by expecting me to train them when they aren't capable of doing the work efficiently, correctly or intensely enough to actually EFFECT A CHANGE. Take your fucking $$$ back, I'm not a babysitter, or a shrink!
  • Think they shouldn't be charged for not showing up for an appointment.
  • Think I should 'take a discount' for cash.
  • Try to convince me that they've been training 4x a week, eating right but they've gained 2" around their waist-- and they HAVEN'T BEEN STUFFING THEIR FACE. Please, don't bullshit me-- it's simple and I CAN GUARANTEE RESULTS-- the body is very logical --it works, when you REALLY do it --

Guess what? Pain is involved in change. Any change. Emotional, physical and psychological pain is REQUIRED for you to change your body. Reasons matter--- motivation for a small butt WILL NOT make you endure that pain. Passion for strength, knowledge of self, the will to accept a challenge and see it through, the determination to set a goal, plan and succeed in spite of your own sorry ass is what MATTERS. Pain unlocks the drudge that makes and keeps you a VICTIM. If you're afraid of pain, you're afraid of LIFE. And don't give me the extreme here, yada, yada-- no you shouldn't be breaking a leg--- but if you have a little pain in your foot, GET YOUR ASS TO THE GYM ANYWAY. Don't be an idiot, whiner, 'poor-me' , loser. And don't be STUPID, and overtrain yourself to injury. PAY FUCKING ATTENTION!

And while I'm at it, why not add to the list the other stuff I hate:

  • Men who think they need to 'get in shape' before they can date me.
  • BOYS who need a mommy. Then get mad at me for being one, and treating them like the children they are.
  • Men who think that I should be intimidated by other women, or think they can use other women to undermine my confidence in my own womanhood.
  • Men who say I Love You, clean out a dresser drawer for you (unsolicited, by the way) and make sure you're not involved with anyone else --and then REFUSE TO SAY YOU'RE THEIR GIRLFRIEND.
  • Women who think that self-deprecating "bonding" is cool --example: "I hate my hair, yours is so much better" GAG ME.
  • Women who need to prove their 'femininity' by attempting to take other women’s boyfriends.
  • People who surround themselves with people of lesser skill, intelligence or ability so they can feel secure.
  • People who turn their anger at themselves into a vendetta against someone else. In a nutshell, people who refuse to accept responsibility for their own demise, expecting to be coddled, comforted and carried without pulling their own weight.
  • People who, with every blown wind change their entire personae --IE: MADONNA. Yoga existed before she did, and will after she goes through her 'geisha' period too. I smell a Buddhist on the horizon.
  • People who recently got into YOGA and now think every other form of exercise is a criminal act.
  • Baby boomers who think the world revolves around them, and --that the rest of us care. Notice the DROP in network television, you idiots- we've been over it for quite some time.
  • Men who say I Love You/or propose AFTER you dump them --hello stupid!! You're getting dumped because I DON'T WANT YOU ANYMORE. You BLEW IT.
  • Men who ignore you when they're angry --then say they’re not and YOU'RE IMAGINING IT. What a major control/power trip is this??? Fuck you asshole, you can't ignore someone who's not around anymore!
  • Men who ask me if I'm "sporty spice" --gee, thanks. Now I'll really want to talk to you, bonehead.
  • People who say "I can't talk to you" --Yes, you can, and if you REALLY give a shit, you will. If it's REALLY important to you, you will. Not if its some backing-up-guilt-trip-crap-because-you-feel-like-you're-not -getting-enough- attention-from -me thing.
  • Bad table manners --need I say more?
  • Women who have affairs on their boyfriends, then TELL.
  • Women who have affairs then profess to feel GUILTY about it. WHY BOTHER YOU STUPID BITCH? If you're going to have sex, enjoy it or don't bother.
  • And I THINK ALLY MCBEAL IS AN IDIOT

I hate when people ask me if I'm a feminist-- I'm a personist. everyone should haul their own ass, make their own way. Women have allowed everything that's come before and we continue to support what exists now. If you want to be a woman and make a statement, start a business, give another chick a job and someone she can depend on to mentor her-- THEN YOU HAVE A FUCKING CLUE. Until then you're just another whiny chick who wants the system to change so she can play. Fuck that. Make your own game honey, and invite other women to play, and get this--- MAKE THEM BETTER THAN YOU. that's HOW YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE. No amount of books by Naomi Wolf can stand up to that.

If you think you have the guts and the determination, Terry can be found at: The Revolution Studio

Copyright© Terry Walsh & Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1999
Copying or reproduction (in whole or in part) on any medium (such as in print or on the web) is expressly forbidden without written permission from HBI

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