Twenty Ways You Can Tell You're A Heartless Bitch
by Deanna A
(Sept 30, 2008)
1. Unless the speaker is aged 5 or under, preciously cutesy voices irritate you and make you want to ask the individual if they actually went through puberty.
2. You know that the fashion industry is a racket and that even "dressing good = looking good" experts Trinny and Susannah advocate not following fashion dictates.
3. You thought Steel Magnolias was a pile of offensive drivel and actually cheered when the utterly stupid Shelby character died. (Come on, she went against her doctor's advice -- now that's what I call idiocy!)
4. If presented with a choice between a day of shopping or a day of museum-hopping, you'd choose the museums three times out of four. (Those stores will still be there in a month, but the special Monet exhibit might not be!)
5. You work out because it makes you feel like you can kick ass, not because you want to look like a Barbie type. (Extra points if you go to a place where the women don't look like they preen before they go.)
6. You know how to: build a PC, fix minor vehicle issues, build a retaining wall, construct a water feature, put together a cabinet, and/or build a back yard deck.
7. You want a guy who can fight like a brawler while talking about his feelings, because that's what YOU do and if it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander.
8. You know the world is rough and tough and you have no problems with it, because you're the type of person who can roll with the punches.
9. When your pastor sermonizes about how a woman's most important role is as a wife and mother, you find another church, because you know what ridiculous malarkey that is.
10. You'd much rather patiently help escort an old lady to her seat while eating at a restaurant than have to tolerate even one little bratling running around the place. And you don't find said bratling "cute". And the old lady's bound to have better stories to tell.
11. You know that Margaret Thatcher and Hillary Clinton would be lionized if they were men, but because they're women they're both highly unpopular political figures.
12. You choose to subscribe to Smithsonian magazine or National Geographic and pass up the Vogues and Cosmos because you actually want to learn valuable information.
13. You have no problems with advocating that everyone display good manners, but any talk of women being "ladylike" makes your blood boil.
14. The Jane Austen story inspires you, because she wouldn't compromise for anyone and she dared to make a living with her writing instead of being provided for by a man. And Becoming Jane was one of your favorite movies of 2007. (And the dopey guy understanding Austen's motivations was a sweet surprise!)
15. You don't try to elicit sympathy from anyone because you know there will be times in your life when that will come freely, and you will have your fill then.
16. In fact, you have no time at all in your life for drama, period. Life is dramatic enough without you having to orchestrate a single additional moment of it.
17. You're on good terms with and are cool with other women, but honestly, you'd rather hang out with guys, because they are so much more fun and easier to deal with on a friendship/platonic basis.
18. You shop at Best Buy and boycott KMart because, on Mother's Day, Best Buy advertises all kinds of really cool electronic gifts for Mom, while KMart continues to perpetuate gender stereotypes in its advertising.
19. You can appreciate the fact that Carrie Bradshaw preferred an engagement walk-in closet over an engagement ring in the Sex & The City movie.
20. You are jealousy-free because you know that, while there will always be someone prettier, smarter, and/or wittier, you're pretty hot shit yourself and there is nothing in the world or inside yourself that can or will change that.