Name: Alexandra

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
You can say that im a hearless bitch

[I can say just about anything. Some folks call this lying, though. I'd be one of them]

cause i dont give a shit what people think and most of the time people are just stupied

[I'll just take a minute to let that sink in. Ah, how funny it is to misspell STUPID.]

and i like to make fun of them.

[It's a double-edged sword.]

Like to day I told my step mom that she could go suck on a monkeys left nut for all i care.

[You'd think that sucking on a monkey's ANYTHING would be stand-alone funny, but this really needs context. Why did you say that to her? Just walking up to her and telling her to suck a left nut isn't as funny.]

All my freinds

[Now THAT'S funny.]

well the couple that i have tell me everyday

[Oooh. Even funnier.]

that im a Heartless bitch every day

[Maybe it's all the money you pay them to be your friend. Call it a perk.]

One Liner:
You can go suck on a monkeys left nut for all i care.

[Why is it always the LEFT nut? The right one is getting lonely.]

Name: Angie

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm young and already things have gone bad with men.

["Hey, somebody play another somebody done somebody wrong song. Make her feel at home." That will REALLY reveal my age.]

The guy I first had sex with later turned out to be a cheater, and a lier,

[It's hard to find an honest cheater. Maybe you should have waited more than a day or two to put out?]

who swore he loved me. I'm sick of men trying to be close and emotional, when they have no idea about what I want out of a relationship!

[They never will if you don't tell them.]

I haven't dated for a while because I haven't found a man I can trust enough to become serious with him.

[Why don't people date friends anymore? I have never understood that.]

I love men, but they are fucking idiots when it comes to love!

[You're the X-factor here. You're the one pissed off and hurt. You're the fucking idiot.]

After my last relationship ended,

[Read: She got dumped.]

I have stop hanging out with most of my female friends because a high precent of them only wanted to talk and complain about their boyfriends!

[Much like you're doing now?]

Most of them complain about not having boyfriends, till they get one, then they won't stop complaining about him!

[Whereas you have complained about the ones you've had, claim to love them still, but that they're idiots.]

It's as though they need a boyfriend, yet they hate men!

[Whistling….]

As a result, I am now around all my male friends,

[And how much you suffer for it.]

and I now better understand what goes through the mind of a man,

[Understand your own mind first.]

and what he will tell his friends! I don't know if that will ever help me, but for fuck's sake, men really don't know the meaning of a secret!

[And women have the market cornered on this one.]

One Liner:
I know now that men will tell there friends, so the next boyfriend I get, I'm sewing his mouth shut, and hoping he doesn't know sign language!

[Why don't you start by getting a boyfriend you can actually trust. You do that by being trustworthy yourself, for starters.]

Name: AnJellyCue

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Well I would put something really bitch, but then again it wouldnt be worth anything to the fat lazy moles reading this

[I suppose this was something of value?]

One Liner:
Pure Bitch 100%

[Only if you count that you bitched IN it.]

Name: Annie

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Where shall I start....

[By deleting this mess.]

Im one of those giggly bitchy girls in school who some odore

[Odore? Yes, there's a pungent quality to this.]

and others hate. I ALWAYS have an opinion on everything from politics to dress sense and love to make it known.

[The problem isn't that people don't EXPRESS their opinions. The problem is that so few of you base them in fact.]

If I don't like someone, I will do everything within my power 'take out' the threat!

[They are a threat just because you don't like them? At BEST some of you may be as threatening as gnats.]

(Please note that Im never violent!)

[Then it makes no sense at all to say that you do everything within your power.]

I adore people who have style and attitude and hate weak and insignificant people who seem to be as shallow as a wet lemon!

[Oh. Yeah. When I think of shallow, I think of a lemon.]

All of these examples are the reasons that i should belong to this club.

[No. All of those are examples of why you should be struck WITH a club. Repeatedly. To the head.]

One Liner:
My ability to have an opinion on EVERYTHING. And also my love of hatred.

[…And? Does this sentence have an end?]

Name: Arista

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I cheat on my boyfriend when I'm madly in love with him and all I want is a stable relationship.

[I'm so very tempted to make a barnyard joke here.]

One Liner:
'I don't have a boyfriend.'

[This comes as no surprise.]

Name: Beth

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Because I lie, cheat and steal to get what I want. But I'm not sure what that is!

[If I understand this correctly, you lie, cheat and steal, and you have no discernable goals? In other words, you're a fuckwad. You're a lying petty thief.]

One Liner:
I can do it with a smile on my face!

[But you don't know what you're doing.]

Name: Brandie

[Oh GOD! This gets worse and worse, and I'm not even a quarter of the way through. (Ed note: This file was truncated. I think my computer crashed on purpose. Just kidding. It didn't crash. I just decided not to inflict the full horror on you all at once.)]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Men they find you secrets out and then when your @ your most vunrable they use them against you.

[For what point or purpose? Why would they have this silly ass vendetta against you?]

They want to have 3 somes with all your freind.

[Even the guys?]

They smell. They ae nice only when they want sex.They deny what they said even when they know it was true at that time!

[Wah wah fucking wah.]

The word love isn't in their vocabulary, only lust

[Jesus, how long are you going to whine about this?]

"nothing" is good to wear

[This is bad?]

That lovely black gunk under their finger nails from always working on their car

[Stop dating guys in shop class.]

The little head
Their ego
They get jealous easily
"Good times" are when you're in a dark room together
They make you want them over and over again, and each time they hurt you like before

[Stop taking these "losers" back.]

20 minutes is enough grieving time

[Why would they grieve? You're their little good time girl.]

their ebonics
I love you means I want sex
Wanna be playaz
Power tools are an extension of genitalia

[And cars, and ties, and virtually anything cock-shaped. So what?]

Pants are 4 sizes too big
Male pattern baldness
They BS constantly
Go after girls that are all hoochified but when you dress like that they make you cover up

[What I want to know is how they make you do anything.]

Want u to pleasure them but won't repay the favor

[Sometimes you have to learn how to open your mouth for more than just giving head.]

They'll give u their ex girlfriend's jewelery and say that bought it 4 u.
Most guys eat whatever they want and don't gain a pound, its so annoying
Guys only care about a girl if they're gettin some

[If that were true, you wouldn't be so angry.]

They let what their friends have to say impact them so much, it influences the decisions they make about everything
When they make you cry they think its funny.
Ladies, ever heard this one "I'm in love w/ my car, not her." I unfortunately did.

[And you still gave him some? You have self esteem issues.]

They feel "trapped"
They bring us down!!! Damn the man!

[SAVE THE EMPIRE!]

Because GOD supposedley created them first, they automatically rule everything
menopause, menstruation... etc.....
I could go on and on............

[And you did.]

One Liner:
i may not be hard on the eyes but some say im hard on the wallet.

[You're hard on the brain.]

Name: Brigid

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I hate it when my friends date guys that abuse them both emotionally AND physically. It's sickening! And no matter what you do they still keep doing it and saying how, "Well he's nice when he's not mad..." that makes me angry!

[You can't save your friends, but you can CHOOSE them. Think about it.]

One Liner:
Be an independent woman.

[Good advice. Take it.]

Name: Bryony

[And she sent this shit FOUR fucking times.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I hate almost everyone except my best friend. I bitch about everyone behind their backs even my other friends and my boyfriend.

[A sure sign of insecurity. You think everyone else is better than you.]

Everyone is scared of me because they know what a bitch I am. My boyfriend does everything I tell him to partly because He's scared of me.

[What will you do? Gossip about him if he doesn't? Your fear factor, on a scale of 1 to 10, is K.]

One Liner:
Hoe you think you're hot, ha hoe you're not. Hoe you think you're cool, just remember Bitches rule!!

[For shit's sake, it's HO. Or maybe even 'ho' (because you're removing the W and the RE), but it's NOT HOE.]

Name: Carmel

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a manager here at the [Deleted because the stupid ass gave her job and location-the things I do to keep the stupid safe] I get a cool title and I get to push people around!

[It's not like you have a job in the private sector. You work for an organization that basically feels that if you show up (trying optional) you've put in a good day's work. Try working for a place that demands results and effectiveness.]

I don't actually have to do any work because I make my small staff work as much as I can. The girls are always jealous of me and trying to take my job but I show them! I just force them to quit by making their lives absolutely miserable!

[Uh, yeah. That and they are about 90% volunteers. You can't push around anyone you don't pay.]

One Liner:
Life is what happens to you when you catch your heel on someone as you step on them to keep your job!

[You'd have to piss on your boss to LOSE your job. That or just not show up for a month or so.]

Name: chris

Email : ilickballs

[Yes, this is part of his email address.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I STAB PUPPIES. I LIKE SPONGEBOB. KITTENS ARE SO DAMN CUTE. I LIKE CAKE. ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ!

[Thanks for playing, ilickballs. Can't wait to have you start the BONUS round.]

One Liner:
I ONCE STABBED A MAN!

[With your dick?]

Name: Cindy

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a heartless bitch because I love to deny my husband orgasms for prolonged periods

[Oh, how I have WAITED to get to this application. Mua ha ha.]

of time. The longer he is denied, the more obedient he becomes.

[Listen, Cindy, (what kinda Domme is called Cindy, anyway) you're not fooling me. The power in this kind of relationship is not with the dominatrix. The sub calls the shots. You're not a Heartless Bitch (nor would you be if the domme held the power, anyway). STOP APPLYING with the SAME, LAME-ASS application.]

On rare occasions I might allow him to masturbate, under my supervision, if he begs me on his knees. If I do allow this it is in humiliating ways and he must always eat his cum afterwards.

[No muss, no fuss. Clean up is a breeze!]

I usually do not allow him to orgasm more than once or at the most twice per month.

[Tantra, baby!]

He begs and pleads with me, usually after performing orally on me, but I am heartless and deny him most of the time. He will even cry occasionally, but even then I will not give in!

[Why would you think I'd want to know about your sex life, anyway?]

To insure that he does not masturbate without permission, I keep his genitals locked in a CB2000 chastity device. I keep the only key around my neck.

[So I did a google search for the -(WARNING: ADULT LINK)-- CB2000, and whoa! If you do click this link, and I encourage all of you to check it out, take a look at the "Gates of Hell." Yeah. Like I'd stick a dick in there, if I had one, with a name like Gates of Hell. Then I thought, I can get a crystal clear butt plug, and I can impale a man on an ass-kabob, but I can't fucking get ChronoTrigger for the Game Boy Advance. What kind of fucked-up shit is that?]

I require that he do all the housework, and make him jump through hoops to insure that I am happy. if he does not, then I will deny him his precious cum even longer!

[Aha! You don't realize that I have applied a chastity device upon you. You will NOT receive entry to our hallowed halls. In fact, I intend to deny you for months, if not years. You can cry all you want, and I will not be moved. I call it the DENIAL 2005.]

One Liner:
Chaste denied men are obedient men!

[And some men are pure and chaste and chased by all.]

Name: Claire

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
People are fucked up. People are fucked up. People are fucked up. People are fucked up. People are fucked up. People are fucked up. People are fucked up. People are fucked up. People are fucked up. People are fucked up. People are fucked up. People are fucked up.

[Word. Word. Word. Word. You get the idea.]

One Liner:
What do you think you are doing collecting your little information and what not.

[Are you talking to us in particular or in general?]

Do you really think you are going to harm me? I'm flattered by how much time you actually devote to it. Silly silly man, maybe you should get off of your knees and take a good look around. YOU SUCK DICK !!

[Does this make sense on your homeworld?]